Sad Stories

Hey

If you dont want to know why I was gone skip to the bottom.  This is the hardest thing I've ever written. This isn't another story. This is just me speaking. The past 7 months have been a huge struggle. I am going to give you guys a basic concept of what has been going on. In October I was struggling more than ever and I was seriously considering suicide. Finally one night, after an attempted suicide that was subsequently stopped by me, I told my mom I needed to be hospitalized. I was, for the first time ever, hospitalized for my suicidal thoughts. I was in the hospital for 5 days. I hated it. I felt away from my friends and family and wanted to be back home. I missed school, I missed everything. I just wanted to be normal. Not struggling and scared. After 5 days in the hospital I finally was released. After that it was argument after argument with my parents. I'm November, less than a month after my first hospital visit, I was sleeping at friends houses trying to avoid my parents. I cussed my mom out in front of a teacher then cussed out my principle cause of how stressed our I had been. Everything was falling at once. Then in November on the 12th I decided I was going to kill myself. I knew it took about 193 ibuprofen to overdose. So I bought a bottle of 500. I went to my high school parking lot, I don't know why there but There I was. I swallowed a few but threw them up right after. Finally called a friend and explained everything. He drove to the parking lot and helped me. I didn't get to go home till 3 in the morning cause of everything. That next Tuesday I was hospitalized a second time. This time by my school. I was crying and begging. At this point I was set and determined to punch my friend in the face cause one of my friends was the cause of this. I was given a choice, either have my parents take me to the hospital or, if I refuse, be taken by the police. I should've said I wasn't going and at least made it interesting. I spent the day at a hospital being monitored them was driven over an hour and a half away to another mental hospital. I spent a week there. I met many people. I almost missed Thanksgiving. I got out, after many nights of crying myself to sleep, and went home. Nothing changed. Instead I got a tracker on my phone. I argued with my parents day and night. I got Grindr and hooked up with guys basically every night. I didn't care about myself or anyone so I did whatever it took to ignore my problems. I hooked up with 8 guys in 2 weeks at one point. It wasn't until after Christmas that I got a new phone and got the tracker off my phone. I got a date with someone and now I am daring him and I love him to death. I don't argue with my parents. I'm off meds. And everything is calm. Except I have one problem. The doctor believes I'm bipolar. That means this could all be an episode of extreme mania. That's what they believe I'm in actually due to how I've been acting. He said eventually I'll hit a crash and I'll see another episode like what I just explained, or worse, if it is bipolar. I can't handle that again. If I have a crash idk what I'm going to do....
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Alright. I'm not sure if I'll be writing anymore. I am working on plenty of film ideas and photography stuff. I'll help y'all updated. I might continue writing. Idk...