Sleeping Bunny

Chapter 4

  He had a spare key to the room, but he didn't feel like waiting inside. So he waited for the man in front of the door. Even after 8 PM, the man didn't return. When it was nearly 11 o'clock at night, Kouichi lifted his lowered head at the sound of footsteps that deceived him few times already.

When the man saw Kouichi waiting in front of his door, he turned away. Kouichi chased after him. He soon caught him. He didn't know what the man had been doing up until now, but his eyes were red and he smelled alcohol in his breath. He vaguely remembered the man saying that he hated alcoholic drinks.

"Please go away."

"Stop running away from me."

"Please get lost. I don't want to see that school uniform on you."

The man glared at Kouichi with drunken red eyes.

"Was it fun playing around with an older teacher?"

Not even caring what anyone else might think, he kissed the mouth saturated with alcoholic scent. He dragged the man inside the room.

He pushed down the refusing man and pulled off his clothes. This was his first time doing it so violently.

The word 'rape' popped into his mind, and then disappeared. When he forced his way inside, the man was in pain and protested, but after few moments he started to make small sounds and moved his waist himself.

He didn't want to make any excuses. Instead, he countlessly patted his back with soothing motions. The man was pretending to sleep, clutching the sheets. He had cried so much that his eyes had swollen. He looked like a sleeping bunny.

"I have to go home now."

The man continued to fake sleeping.

"Let's talk. I'm going to come again tomorrow, okay?"

He didn't want to part from him, so when he patted his head, even his bangs were trembling. His heart somehow throbbed painfully.


The man didn't come to school. Even when he went to his apartment building, he had chained the door closed, so he couldn't go inside. After 3 days of that, on the 4th day, the man's room was completely empty. 

He spent half a day in front of the man's room that had the sign 'For Rent', sitting aimlessly. It was an empty room so there was no way that the man would return, but he had no choice but to wait.

Time would slowly flow. He might never be able to meet him again. That thought kept on crossing his mind. Every time, he would deny that thought, and then agree with that thought. He became sad.

When the sun nearly set, he finally remembered to move, so he stood up.

He walked the familiar streets that led to his home. From Kase Station, it was three stops until his stop. He was buried in sea of workers who were heading home from companies. He opened his gates with uncomfortable feeling that his body and soul had separated when he heard someone calling his name behind him. It was the voice of his friend, who was the last person he wanted to meet right now.

"What were you doing, cutting school?"

"Nothing." He answered without turning around.

"He came to school, you know."

He thought he was hearing things at the words. When he turned around, Kakimoto muttered, "Sly bastard."

"He was at the teacher's lounge. He'll be there tomorrow, too, wouldn't you think?"

Kouichi was about to leave home for the second time, but his friend grabbed his arm when he tried to run.

"Wait until tomorrow."

"I can't wait."

"Chill out already!"

When he shouted at him, he stopped. Kakimoto came nearer to Kouichi and smacked Kouichi's head. Hard. But it didn't hurt at all.

"Just chill out, okay? It's not like he's going to disappear on you in a day or two."

"What are you gonna do if he DOES disappear? Huh?" Once he started to talk, he couldn't stop. "If I can never meet him again, what are you gonna do? You're gonna be responsible or something? I want to meet him right now. I want to see him."

Tears came out. After he had matured, he had never cried in front of his friends. Shame, discomfort, anger, all mixed together and spilled out.

"He's going to come to school tomorrow. I'll guarantee it."

He didn't know where his confidence was coming from, but that's what Kakimoto said.

"Stop crying. You're grossing me out."

He lightly smacked Kouichi's lowered head.

"If he DOES disappear... I don't want to, but I'll look for him with you. I'll look for him together, so go home and sleep tonight," he gently said.

"I really don't get you," Kouichi suddenly muttered.

"Well, what can I do? Even if you're like that, you're my friend, so... I really can't agree with you being gay, but."

They both closed their mouths. Kouichi went home without saying anything further. He kept feeling Kakimoto's gaze behind his back, so he was unhappy.


He discoverd him before he entered the teacher's lounge. When he ran towards him, the man recognized Kouichi and nervously ran inside. He sat at his desk and opened a book on purpose.

"I have something to say to you."

Grey suit ignored Kouichi who was standing right behind him. He grabbed the man's arm.

"I can't say it here, so let's go."

He coldly shrugged him off. Kouichi rested both of his hands on the man's shoulders and whispered against his ears.

"If you won't come, I'm going to yell out right here and now that we're dating."

The man turned around. He didn't look angry, nor did he look troubled. He just looked so scared that he looked like he would burst into tears.


"I don't want to see any longer. I neither wish to talk to you, nor to meet you ever again. So please let me go. I beg of you," the man said, his head lowered. "It's unnatural for us to continue this relationship."

The room had a nice name of high school memorial center, but it became a very nice, dusty storage room. Ever since they had entered the room, the man had refused to look at Kouichi in the eyes.

"You've been doing this unnatural thing all this time."

"Because I didn't know anything." He said, ironic tone seeping into his voice. "If I knew, I would have never dated you. Especially someone who's a high school student."

"I knew."

The man lifted his head.

"I knew from the beginning that you were my school's teacher. I knew that you were lying to me."

The man's face crumpled painfully. He bit into his lips and muttered, "I almost want to throw up. It must have been REALLY funny, right? You must have found me so funny, clinging to you even while lying."

He let out a small scream of despair.

"If only I could, I'd like to KILL myself starting from the moment that I've met you. It's all over; I'm going to end it all. How am I going to be with you after thinking such embarrassing, idiotic things?"

"You love me, don't you?"

"I always thought so, but you sound so arrogant. Are you treating me as a fool?"

"If you love me, bear with it a little."

"What the heck are you talking about?!" The man shouted. "Just how many years do you think are there in our age difference? It's ten years. When I was an adult, you were still in elementary school. No matter how much older you get, this ten year old difference is not going to disappear."

"It's your fault for being born first."

He was shamelessly selfish.

"Oh, so it's all my fault now? I see. So it's all my fault. That's why I'm going to end this now."

In the end, the man only thought about running away. Because it was annoying, because he was worried about what the society thought, he didn't even give a thought about sharing their future together. He didn't try to understand Kouichi's feelings at all.

"Fine. Shall I break up with you?"

At the parting words, the man stared at Kouichi. His eyes looked like they would overflow with tears at any moment. Even though he said he wanted to break up, he would look at him with such eyes. His eyes clung to him; said he didn't want this. His eyes might be more honest than his words. The man clenched his hands into fists.

"Shall I break up with you? Right here, right now, I'll say lots of words that would tear you apart and cruelly dump you. That's easy. And then you'll all shrivel up and think that you'd never want to fall in love again. Because you're a scaredy-cat. You'll never be able to love anyone, ever again. You'll always be alone. You'll always be lonely, and spend your life saying you're lonely. And then you'll think about me and regret for the rest of your life that you shouldn't have dumped me."

"How could you say something like that?"

His voice was trembling.

"I'm telling you to THINK about it. Think carefully with that stupid head of yours."

The man covered his ears with both of his hands.

"No one would ever love you like me, ever again. Of course not. No one would give a second glance to an inconspicuous, normal man like you."

"How cruel your words are."

"It's the truth."

"Then..." The man said, his voice small. "Then shall I be forced to be in your debt for the rest of my life? Shall I be forever worried about the fact that I've lied to you, that I'm older than you? Do I have to constantly worry about a young man like you changing his mind about me? I'm already obsessed with you, so what am I going to do if I fall in love with you even more? I can't stand this any longer!"

Towards the end he had been sobbing and screaming. He wouldn't listen, no matter what he said. Kouichi pushed the man away. He lost his balance and knocked over a stack of chairs.

"I don't care about you any more."

His words echoed in his head. He didn't cry, but his heart ached so much that he wanted to cry.


Girls are strong. By chance, Kouichi saw the girl he had recently dumped walking with a boy. Was it 2 weeks ago? When Kouichi refused to go out with her, her eyes had filled with tears, but now she was happily laughing next to another boy.