paranoid

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

This was it. The moment I had to tell Alex everything. How else would I explain the cuts he saw?

"Charlie, are you okay?" His eyes looked weary, he was scared but he wanted to know why I had done it to myself.

"I never meant for you to find out like that Alex, you have to know that." The tears were already falling out of my eyes. I could tell he wanted to stop them from falling but he also knew I had to explain myself.

"It's okay bub, it's okay, just tell me what happened I won't judge."

"Well it all started in year 7, I walked straight into that school and they bullied me for the whole time I was there. They abused me, the hurt me. They ruined my head. They got inside my head, sometimes I still think they are in there. I was poisoned by there comments, there nasty degrading comments. I was treated like shit since the moment I set foot in Harrow high. And same as my sister. They viewed us as lower class, like dirt on the bottom of there shoe. I started hurting myself in year 9. It became an addiction, I couldn't go a day without doing it. It infected me. My sister did it as well only she did it worse, much worse, when I was in year 10 and she was in year 12 she cut to deep. I don't know if it was an accident or not, sometimes I think it was, sometimes I think it wasn't. I even think it was my fault sometimes." I could barely catch my breath, I was crying and shaking. The whole time Alex just looked at me intently, like he was supporting me without actually doing it. "That's when it got really bad for me. It's also when I got beat up that time. After I got beaten up I went into a state. I didn't eat, I didn't talk, all I did was hurt myself. My mum sent me to a hospital for people who are suicidal, I spent the majority of year 11 in there. Burying my screams in my skin, pushing them further and further with every cut."

"I don't know what to say except that it's not going to happen here, no ones going to say anything. Not with me here okay? I'm going to protect you, I'm going to help you stop. Do you still do it now?" He stood me up slowly and carefully, moved me towards a bench and sat me back down.

"Yeah, it's the only way to stop my thoughts. It helps, it shouldn't but it's the only thing that does, even counselling doesn't help."

"Counselling? When do you do counselling? I could come to help you Charlie?" His soft brown eyes were pleading with me.

"Yes I guess." My tears kept falling, they didn't stop. I know he's just being polite by not pointing it out. Was it the right decision to trust him? Everyone in that room saw my disgusting cuts, they will tell people.

I'm going to be called an attention seeker.

"Scott will tell people, he's going to say I'm an attention seeker."

"Charlie, listen okay, the only attention seekers is them. Using other peoples problems to make them self feel better. It doesn't work but they still do it. They are looking for attention by flaunting around other peoples problems. Don't listen to them. Just listen to me and me only."

Alex brought his hand up to my face. He uses his fore finger to gently push my matted hair behind my ears. He uses the pad of his thumb to gently swipe away my falling tears. I can't look him in the eye. I just looked down at my small frail body.

His long fingers pressed to the back of my neck, he worked his thumb towards my chin and pushed my head up. I had no choice but too look in his dark brown eyes and get lost momentarily. There was another world behind those eyes, a world I wanted to be a part of. I wanted to be a part of his eyes of his hands, of his legs, of his long eyelashes that curled over. His soft smooth lips, in a perfect shape, that were slowly making there way closer to me.

He shut his eyes and crashed his warm lips against mine. They fit perfectly against me.

A warm fire started to grow in the pit of my stomach, it started to spread all the way throughout my body. To my fingertips, to my toes. I could feel it everywhere. And wow, it wasn't something I wanted to forget. His mouth parted and mine followed. He worked his free hand down towards my waist and I could feel him slowly squeezing as I moved my hand towards his hair and his back. We were a maze of arms and legs. I moved my legs over to his, resting them on top.

His tounge intwined with mine. He dropped both hands to my waist and picked me up, untangling our legs. He dropped me back onto his lap so my legs were either side of him, our lips never leaving each other. We were lost in the moment, lost in the passion of our kiss. My hands gently tugged at his hair while his squeezed my hips.

All of a sudden his lips disconnected and I felt a sudden loss within me. The fire diminishing as quickly as it came. His head moved down my neck and he started kissing my neck slowly, trailing kisses down from my jaw all the way to my collar bone.

After a while of this he stopped. His eyes connected with mine.

He planted a light kiss on my lips and placed his forehead to my own.

"I'm never going to let anything happen to you. You're mine to protect now." He quickly picked me up, swivelled me around and put me on his back.

I stayed on his back all the way past the party and all the way to his house I'm silence.

Only I think it was the best conversation we have ever had.

"Text your mum, you are staying at mine." We arrived at his house. I texted my mum.

I walked into his warm beautiful house.

My phone vibrated in my hands. *you can stay round! but be careful! ring me if you need ANYTHING I don't care what time, just call me okay, love you Charlie.* I was allowed to stay. I can't believe it. But what if something happens, I'm not ready for that.

"I'm allowed to stay." A huge smile radiated on his face.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.