Chapter one
Heart break
There was a boy,
He broke me.
You know how you love someone unconditionally? But they live on the other side of the world, but even so you love them to bits and just feel a connection so strong that even still the connection is still there.
Yea, I know that feeling.
I know that feeling all too well.
Maybe his voice soothed me to sleep. Or the way he was so open about his opinions on important subjects
I Always wandered where did we lose balance and lose each other?
Only know as I'm writing this do I know what happened. (literally just now)
Our relationship was based on lies.
I never share my age online, but I'm guessing by the time I publish this I'll be older and more comfortable. Currently I'm not.
I lied to him and used a fake name and age so he'd like me and not feel like a perv. Yet he still did, (feel like a perv) because of hormones. Yea they're a bitch.
He was my first relationship, and it lasted six months.O.M.G THATS LIKE HALF A YEAR WITH A TOTAL ASS HOLE. sooooooooo let me tell you the full story. I know absolutely everything because I repress it every night.
In November of 2015, I got this thing called "Instagram" yea, no one really knows it.
And I was introduced to a group chat called 'EAC'
EAC was the shit, everyone knew it, everyone was just so fuckin good in there. (btw idk what EAC stands for so don't ask) there, I met a boy. A boy who was beautiful.
And idk what you think is beautiful but this boy is beautiful. And beatiful isn't a word. No one knows the meaning. Everyone has their own definition.
And I gave this boy beautiful.
He was so handsome, and kind hearted. He knew how to make me smile.
The phrase "when you know, you know" came to life.
Hell I was dreaming of this kid. I was studying time-zones for this kid. And I truly felt a spark. (still do tbh)
Even when you left.
Even when I cried,
I'd send you photos of my travles, and try to keep a reaktionship with yo
It was all bout you, you, you. 'WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION. YOU ARE MEAN TO ME, YOU ARE RUDE TO ME' sorry it's a shrek line.
Anyways...
Everyone had to revolve around your expectations and your world. Honestly you were so full of yourself and so manipulative- it's impossible to be angry at you.Instead I'm just disappointed.
You let yourself become this.
You allow yourself such behaviors yet don't know why people hate the living shit out of you.
There was your introduction to this chapter, but this chapter isn't a story it's more of a letter.
So, let's begin.
To The Boy Who Broke Me.
Yes, I'm still angry at you. I'm also confused. I'm jealous and I'm sad.
All this conflict of emotions towards one single person is just mentally unhealthy.
Yet here I am sooking because you're an asshole and I'm clingy.
You damaged me, beat me and made me feel so many terrible things because I felt that I was never good enough. You'd call me names and yet I stayed.
You were a rose who planted yourself in my heart. I didn't know the thorns would hurt as much as they did. But weeding you out was near impossible.
You never replied to me when I was in desperate need of help because I was on the verge of killing myself. You just let me suffer and use me for advantages. I'd go to school and talk all about you. I thought we'd last forever. Because you are the person with it all.
Looks, personality, humor and fuck so easily to fall in love with.
You would try to make me jealous by saying all the girls loved you. Then a year later you'd say that it was all a lie and it was so I could feel 'special' but I couldn't look into the future. Hell I just found the love of my life I'm not going to be protective. I'm going to have trust, (I didn't have trust and I was hella protective but I don't like to think of it lol)
I was the girl you could do anything to yet always love you all the same.
Everyone hated you. But I loved you so I wouldn't listen to them. Fuck I'm an idiot.
