In The Falling Sun

Chapter 1

Do you ever have one of those moments when you can't tell reality from a nightmare? I'm living my nightmare. One day I'm hoping to wake up from it. Hoping and praying that my life will go back to normal. One day I'll wake up, and it'll be my mother, my father, my little sister Lilly, and I sitting in the grass eating sandwiches my mom threw together in a last minute picnic attempt. Lilly will take a bite and then get up and run off to the play ground, or the swimming pool. One day I'll have my normal family again. But that one day doesn't look like its getting any closer.

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"Clear!" I could hear very faintly, what sounded like beeps, and people talking over each other. My body jolting.

"We have a pulse!"

I don't know what is going on, or what has happened in the last 24 hours, but it sounds pretty serious.

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I slowly open my eyes, looking at my surroundings. I'm in the hospital. I look to my left and see my mom and Lilly snuggled up on the chair together.

"Water." I faintly say, making my mom jump.

"Oh Grace, you're awake." She says moving Lilly off of her lap and moving to the side of my bed.

"Ca...can I get some water." My mouth feels as dry as a desert.

"Sure sweetie." she nods, standing up and exiting the room.

She comes back as quickly as possible. Opening the wrapper of a straw. She holds my cup so I can drink. Ahhh this tastes so good.

"Why am I here?" I asked realizing again that I'm in a hospital room.

"You were driving under the influence, ran right into a building. I didn't think you were going to survive." She looked utterly disappointed.

"That can't be right." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Hun, the doctors found a high level of Xanax in your system." She spoke.

"You know I wouldn't do anything like that mom." I could feel the tears starting to form.

"I don't know what to believe right now. If you're having a hard time with mine and your dads divorce, you could've come to talk to me Grace."

"What? You think I would stoop that low, that I would actually be that upset, that I would risk my own life?" I raised my voice a little. "I've done some pretty fucked up things since you guys seperated but never in a million years would I do something like that, and then to get behind the wheel of my car? And risk not only my life but someone else's as well?"

"Grace your behavior has been off the charts lately. There is a difference between acting out on impulse and just being down right stupid with your decisions. And I thi-"

I cut her off, "No, this was not one of those stupid decisions. I did not take any drugs. At least not willingly."

"You cannot try to put the blame on someone else. This is the last straw. 2 weekends ago you were in here to get your stomach pumped because you had alcohol poisoning. The weekend before that you were here because you thought it would be cute to jump off the roof and onto an air mattress." She paused for what felt like centuries, "I'm done doing it. The hospital bills are piling up. I think its best if you go and live with your father for your last year of high school."

My only reaction was a laugh and an eye roll.

"Grace, you're 17, you're doing things that either a 21 year old or a 6 year old would do. I don't know who you've become, but it sure the hell isn't my Grace."

"Just leave please. Take Lilly home." I said looking at my sister laying on the chair sound asleep.

"No, you are not running from your problems this time."

"How can I be running when you're the one pushing me from them? Sending me to dads? You really think that'll 'straighten' me out? If anything its going to make me lash out more. I don't want to be around the bastard that cheated on you." Making up any excuse I could to stay with her and Lilly.

"Oh stop, just think of it as a fresh start. New school, new friends. Maybe friends that'll guide you to the right path. We will talk about this Xanax situation later, when he is made aware of this." She held up her hand motioning towards all the hospital equipment.

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"Grace!" I heard my dad call from downstairs.

I rolled my eyes as I crawled out of bed. "Yeah dad?" I leaned over the railing.

"Can you come down here."

I rounded the corner into the living room where I knew he was at.

"Whats up?" I questioned.

"Can you get me another beer?" He had his back facing me, and I saw him lift up the empty can. I walked over and snatched it out of his hands. Big mistake, because he stood up and grabbed me by my arm and spun me around.

"Snatch something out of my hand again and I swear you wont see the light of day again." He raised his fist to me.

Since he and my mom divorced, he hasn't been the nicest person alive, constantly drinking, he started smoking again. I just find it ridiculous that my mom would think that the man who isnt capable enough to care for himself, could care for me.

"Okay dad, I'm sorry, you're hurting me." I whimpered, trying to break free from his grip. I never thought I'd be so excited to start school on Monday, but anything to get away from this for a few hours a day.

"Go get my beer then get out of my face."

Unloved, abused, lonely, broken, failure, fuck up, nothing, nobody, these were all the things this man made me feel. The man that was supposed to love his family unconditionally, the man I was supposed to call my father. I walked to the fridge opening it to reveal its emptiness.

'Shit'

"Hey dad, you're out of beer." My voice shaking a little as I broke the news to him.

"Dammit Grace! Are you drinking them!" It wasn't really a question more like a command. I shook my head before I realized he was in the other room.

"No sir!" I yelled. I heard him walking towards me, grabbing me by the arm again and spinning me around. Before I noticed what was happening I felt a sharp stinging pain across my face.

"If I go up to that room of yours and I find cans it's going to be twice as worse!" He charged upstairs. I could feel the tears making their way down my cheeks.

"I'm going to the bar." He walked back down the stairs, grabbing his coat and keys on his way out.

My own personal nightmare: my abusive, alcoholic father. That happy family that I long to wake up too, is nothing more than some pictures in a photo album, and a distant memory. If my mom thinks this will help me cope with things, and change my attitude, shes wrong. Dead wrong, this is going to push me so far over the edge. My old self, consider that just a picture in a photo album as well.