Dear Diary

I NEED YOU

Dear diary

I can't believe it. Time does really fly. Just after two weeks I will finish my internship. I'll work officially in this hospital. A year passed since I walked in this hospital as an intern.

This year had my best memories and my worst too. My dad died in this place. I lost my unborn son in this place. And Rishabh got stabbed here too. But I really had good times too in this place. I learned a lot. I got experience and I got friends.

The first and the best one who helped me, taught me, and supported me all the time was Rishabh. I don't know what would have happened for me without him or his support. I'm sure I wouldn't get through this year without him. He literally saved my life more than once. He is the best teacher, boss, and husband anyone could wish for.

Thank God that our relation now is stable and steady as any married couple. If anyone told me in our early-married days that we will be normal couple after few months, I wouldn't believe them at all.

Our first few months were the hardest. I hurt him badly. And I had my share from pain too. Now everything is ok between us. Not great only ok. And that works for me. I don't need anything more than my husband be beside me and support me care for me.

The only thing that we really miss in our relation is to have a kid. We tried but we failed. And Rishabh told me it is not the best time now to have kids. He said that I'm still in the beginning in my carrier path and I need to focus on it only.

I'm worry that he is still thinking of his condition. That is why he doesn't want us to try harder. I'm not complaining but our relation is not what I had in my mind when I used to dream about my marriage and my husband.

Rishabh loves me madly and unconditionally. But he is so practical person. He is not romantic at all. He never took me on vacation. We never went for dinner in a restaurant. We never travelled anywhere. Even if I had a new dress or hairstyle, he never notices it at all or complements me at all. He doesn't say any love talking except if he had to. When I had a hard time or asked him to say it to me.

Everyone misses something and Rishabh misses the romantic side. No one is perfect, I know. But as his wife I need to hear it from him sometimes. I need to feel loved and wanted from my husband.

He believes that life doesn't stop for anyone and he is right. But I wished if he said that he can't live without me. He needs me in his life. He trusted me wholly and completely. But no. His practical mind doesn't allow him to say that to me.

I really wish if he say that to me. Even if it was a lie. But I need to hear it from my husband. It hurts me to hear all that from a friend not my husband.

Kabir keeps telling me how beautiful I am. If I had new dress or changed anything in my look, he would notice it and complements about it. Even without any changes in my look, he always keeps calling beautiful.

Even if I know that, he is just joking. But I really wish if I hear that from my husband not my friend. Every time he says something like that. It makes me, happy and confidant. But sad in the same time that it is not Rishabh who said it. Why can't he be like That?

Dear Diary

Today was the first time I refuse request from Madhubala. For the first time today, she asked me something as my wife and I refused it. I really feel bad for that. But I had to.

For a year now, she has her internship in the hospital. And she never took advantage of being my wife. She always cared to be treated as any intern. But today she asked me as the hospital manager to hire her friend Kabir in the hospital after his internship finishes.