Relapse

1

"You know, you're gonna have to get a job soon."

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth together in frustration. My little sister Rayne never fails to remind me of the things I'd much rather not think about. I can't be mad at her though, she did need help paying the rent.

"I know Sis, I just  need a litte more time to get my mind straight," I said giving her an assuring smile. She rolled her eyes in return and plopped down on the couch next to me. She smelled like Newport cigarettes and cheap perfume. 

"You said that last week Roman. How hard is it to get on the computer and fill out an application to McDonalds? Or even better, why not ask Grandpa for a job at the deli?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a deep sigh. I hadn't spoken to my grandfather in six years. I'm pretty sure he wan't nothing to do with me. Asking for a job at his deli would more than likely set him off. I don't want to take any risks.

"I don't think that's a good idea Ray, I think Gramps just about hates my guts by now. Besides, who the hell am I to just show up out of the blue and ask for a job?"

The old me would have. 

Rayne's sapphire eyes widened with suprise. She knows it's true. Grampa Rolan wants absolutely nothing to do with his good for nothing, recovering alcoholic grandson. If this wasn't true, then he would have been there for me after the accident. 

There was a silence between us. Rayne stared off into space, twirling her brown hair around in her small hands until it got tangled. She always did this when something was on her mind, something that bothered her.

"Look, I didn't mean to sound harsh or anything. He does't know that I've changed, that I'm not like that anymore. With all the shit I've pulled over the years I don't think he'd believe me if I told him. That's just how I feel. I could be wrong, but I just need time to at least make other things right before I even think about talking to him." I shrugged and lay my head on the back of the couch, staring at the cracked ceilng.

I felt Rayne get up from the couch. I could only hope that she wasn't mad at me. I sat up and watched her make her way to the kitchen. After a few minutes of shuffling around she returned with her hair in a messy bun and a lit cigarette in her hand.

"I talked to Grandpa a few days after you came back." She sat back down on the couch dropping a few ashes on the faded material.

I didn't know how to respond. I knew that they spoke regularly, but I knew she had to have mentioned my return. 

Rayne stared at me blowing a puff of smoke in my direction. "He cried, actually cried for five minutes straight before hanging up the phone to go check on his customers. So to say that he hates you wouldn't be the right thing to say. I'd say he's relieved that you came back, that you're alive. We thought you were going to die Roman."

I looked away from her. I bit down on my lip and held back the flood of tears that rushed to my eyes. Her words lingered in my head. When I couldn't stand to think about in anymore I got up from the couch and grabbed my phone from the coffee table.

"Group therapy is in a few, I think we should get going."

Rayne nodded and put out her cigarette in a bowl of half eaten ramen noodles. I raised a brow at her and we both laughed. Once she grabbed her keys and purse from off the kitchen table we headed out of the apartment. 

In all honesty I couldn't care less about Group therapy, it was just a way of getting out of an awkward situation. Also, I missed two meetings due to the fact that my sister had to work late for a couple of nights. 

I couldn't wait to hear a bunch of former douche bag addicts vent about their new unexcitng lives. I'd rather be at home withering away on a couch that smelled like dirty socks and cigarettes.

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Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's been awhile since I've written something. Hope you enjoy and hopefully this is the beginning of something awesome!