Once (Harry Styles)

Chapter Six

Harry and I, we're complicated. That's one of the best words for it. On our own we're already both a bit overly-dramatic with a flair for feeling things too deeply. Put us together and we're a crazy tidal wave of emotions that no one can control. And it hurts us, a lot.

                That's why we didn't work. It's just not worth it. I mean, look at us. We can't stand the sight of each other now, one can only imagine how bad it was when we threw love into the mix.

                We make each other crazy. I swear it's really not healthy. I prefer my sanity, thank you.

*****

I remember the first time he told me he loved me.

We'd been watching the telly in my apartment, cuddled together on the couch. I snuggled my head into the crook of his shoulder, trying to be as close to him as possible. He held his hand in mine and stroked his thumb along the outer edge.

He turned the sound off suddenly. "Allison?"

"Mhmm?" He was always so warm, it was like he radiated heat.

Our position changed when he suddenly turned to look at me. "I've been thinking about, well, us, recently and um...." I stared at him, cocking my head slightly. Where was he going with this? His hand moved to the back of his neck and I could tell he was nervous. My stomach flip-flopped in anxiety.

"Well, what I meant to say is that, we've been spending a lot of time together recently, and it's been great and all, but,"

"But what?" I interrupted, suddenly very eager for him to get to his point. 

My heart was pounding in anticipation, and I don't know why,  but my head suddenly told me he was trying to end things. Why would he act like this otherwise? Why would he be this nervous? Why was he being like this? What other motive could he have. 

"Have I done something wrong?"

At the same time my heart was telling me that it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he just wanted me to meet his mum. Maybe he wanted to move in together. Truthfully, there were a million reasons he could be nervous. Maybe there was still hope. Maybe he loved me.

"No! Not at all! But..."

Why would he do that, Allison? Thoughts started swirling around my head as my demons reared their ugly heads. Why does he even like you? Who would ever like you? You're loud mouthed and obnoxious and you overreact to everything and you're a know-it-all. Why would he want any of that? Why would he want someone that complicated?

"Are you breaking up with me?"

He deserves better than you. He deserves some nice, quiet girl who wears pretty dresses and always says please and thank you. He's an international pop star, for crying out loud. You're not even good enough for him.

"No! I just-"

You're not.

"Because the door is right there. If you want to leave, you can leave."

"Do you want me to leave?"

He could do so much better than you.

"I don't want to make you stay, if its not what you want." Yes I do! my heart cried out. Don't go! Say you want be here, with me!

"Why are you being like this?"

My mouth suddenly felt dry. "Being like what? I'm just telling you what you already know. I don't need you. If you want to go, then go."