Chicken Murder (Inanimate Insanity fanfic)

CHICKEN MURDER

It had happened again. This was the third time that something had gotten into Paper's new chicken coop and killed some of his chickens. They had all tried everything they could think
of to keep the animal out, but to no avail. It seemed that whatever was getting in the coop was determined to keep doing so, though unlike one would think this didn't happen all that often, only about once or twice a month. Lightbulb stood next to Paper, who was currently on his knees crying over the most recent tragities. She put a hand on the back of the thin and sad man, trying to give him some sort of comfort.
"S-susan... Kat-tie... They didn't deserve this..." He sobbed into his hands
"Never fear my crinkle-y friend, I'll catch who's doing this!"
"R-really?" He looked up at Lightbulb with eyes full of hope.
"Of course! Your pal Detective Lightbulb is on the case!" With this statement she pulled a detective hat and bubble pipe out of seemingly nowhere. She ran over to the coop and beckoned Paper to follow. Pulling out a magnifying glass she stared rather intensly at the ground and scattered feathers.
"Soooooo, can you tell me what happened last night?" She whipped around and trained the glass on Paper, leaning in closer towards him she continued, "Did you see anything... strange?"
Paper backed up slightly before speaking. "W-well, I came outside to put them in their coop for the night, I made sure everyone was in the coop, told them goodnight, kissed Susan,
and locked the door behind me!"
"Hmmmmm." She hummed, turning her gaze back to the coop. "Mind if I... step inside?" She asked. Once she got the go-ahead she stepped into the coop, coming face-to-face with
Martha, the largest hen of the flock. Pulling out a notepad and a pencil she sat down across from Martha and squinted at her.
"Can I get your account of what happened last night Martha?"
"Coo"
She scribbled furiously, making sure to get every word. "What else?"
Coo coo"
"And???"
"Squawk"
She gasped, jumping to her feet and scaring Martha away. Running out of the coop she almost smacked directly into Paper who was waiting anxiously outside
"Paper! I know who did it!" She screamed.
"Wh-really? Who?!'"
She shoved the mini notepad into his face. Taking it from her hands he found an incredibly detailed and well drawn chicken.
"I don't-?"
"A VAMPIRE!" She looked incredibly excited, "A VAMPIRE CHICKEN!!" She pointed at the chicken's beak, upon closer inspection he found that the chicken actually had two very small
pointed teeth protruding from it's beak. "All we need to do now if figure out which chicken it is! And I have a plan." She reached forward and flipped the page, revealing a list titled: "Detective Lightbulb Catches the Vampire Chicken and is a Hero!" Pointing to the bullet points she told him her plan for capture of the chicken, and for legal actions against said chicken.
"And I know exactly when it will strike again!" She spoke with confidence in her tone, "Everybody knows that vampire chickens only hunt on the full moon!"
"l'm pretty sure that's werewolves...?"
"Werewolves AND vampire chickens!" Paper felt that at this point nothing could change her mind and decided instead to just drop it.
"Well, good luck? Tell me if you find this... erm... 'vampire chicken."
"Of course I'll find it! For Susan!"
"Susan..." He whispered, his eyes filled with tears again. He walked back into Hotel O.J. without another word. Lightbulb was filled with a firey determination to find this chicken vampire... for Susan

~~~

Tonight was the night of plan D.L.C.T.V.C.A.l.A.H. and Lightbulb was prepared. She armed herself with a necklace of garlic, several stakes, a flashlight, a pair of binoculars, and a
bottle of chicken blood (for bargining). She made her way out the hotel, sneaking along to the bushes near the chicken coop. She set up her binoculars and looked through them at the coop, everything was still
"It's quiet... too quiet." She whispered to herself. She waited for an hour for something to happen, the sky was dark at this point, the moon slowly rising in the sky. Preparing for this
stakeout had worn her out and she could feel herself becoming more and more tired. "No Lightbulb! You can do this, you can stay awake, not much longer now. It will all be worth it!
You'll be a he-" She passed out on the ground, snoring.
A loud scream-howl woke her from her ground-nap. She bolted upright, all sleep dissapearing in an instant. She fumbled with her binoculars and quickly pulled them up to her
eyes. Loud squawking and growling could be heard from inside the coop, yet Lightbulb could
see nothing from outside. Jumping to her feet she ran to the coop, kicking the door open. Stake
in one hand and flashlight in the other.
"l've got you now vampire chick-en...?" She ended her victorious statement with a half-question as there was no vampire chicken in sight. In front of her the flashlight she held illuminated the figure of Paintbrush, but something was different. Their body was covered in fur, they had a large bushy tail, and two ears poked out of the top of their head.
"Uhhhhhhh Painty?" Painty' whipped around, they had Martha hanging out of their
fanged mouth and their eyes looked wild. They dropped Martha and growled at Lightbulb,
crawling towards her with teeth bared and ears flattened.
"I-Woah Painty calm down!" She started to slowly back away, "It's okay I'm not gonna tell anyone you're a furry if you don't want me to, just please stop eating chickens!" Paintbrush just growled louder. At this point Lightbulb finally realised that this wasn't a fursuit. Paintbrush was a- "ZOMBIE! Wait no-WEREWOLF!" Lightbulb screamed, she turned to run but tripped on the coop door and fell flat on her face. She turned over quickly and found that Paintbrush had taken the opprotunity to try and pounce onto her. She quickly grabbed the
stake that had fallen out of her hand and used it try and block Paintbrush's attack. Paintbrush's jaw clamped around the stake and they were now trying to chomp through it.
"Painty please! It's me! You're best buddy chum pal Lightbulb!" She pleaded with the werebrush, maybe if she could just get them to snap out of it..."Please Painty! I have a son!
His name is Baxter and he's a crab and he needs me!!!"
Paintbrush stopped their chomping and spit out the stake they had in between their teeth. They hesitated for a second, was that the old Painty that Lightbulb saw in their eyes?
Were they remem-nope! They lunged towards Lightbulb again only to be hit over the head with her flashlight. Paintbrush laid on the ground, out cold from the blow.
Guilt crushed Lightbulb as she hopped over to her friend. Still breathing. Letting out a
sigh of relief she sat down next to Paintbrush, unsure of what to do. She reached out a hand and started petting their soft face. Hoping that they wouldn't wake up wanting to bite that hand off.
"L-lightbulb?" Paintbrushes tired voice was soft in the quiet night. They sat up slightly, looking at Lightbulb
"Painty!!" Lightbulb scooped them up into her arms and squeezed them tightly."
"Can't... Breath..." Lightbulb released them and looked at them sternly.
"What the heck Painty?? You're a werewolf?" Lightbulb half screamed in their general direction.
"I... Uh..." Paintbrush looked around nervously, their ears flattening and tail lowering
"Yeah, I am"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! Bros are supposed to tell bros everything! Are we not bros?" Lightbulb looked genuinley hurt at this betrayal.
"I'm sorry, I was just scared I guess..."
"You should've told me! All that chicken murder could have been avoided..." She casually took a bite out of her garlic necklace.
"I'm sorry- chicken murder?"
"Yeah! You've been murdering Paper's chickens! You killed Susan dude!"
Paintbrush looked absolutely horrified. "I killed Susan??"
"Yeah dude! Paper's chicken wife is dead now!"
"Oh god... What have I done?" They looked down at their bloody hands, chicken lives had been ended with these hands. They were a criminal. Lightbulb noticed their hand
staring and the haunted look in their eyes "It's gonna be okay Painty, I won't let them take you." Lightbulb's tone was oddly serious and slightly scared Paintbrush. The two embraced, then stood up to look at the havoc the taller had caused. It was going to take a lot to cover this up but, there was no way Lightbulb was
going to let Paintbrush go to jail. No matter what, they had to cover up this chicken murder and make sure no one knew what happened.