My Suicide Story

Introduction

hello. welcome. this isn't the best life story ever but this is my way to get everything out of my brain without someone shouting at me for doing something bad or something immature. you may not enjoy this story but i hope it will give you an insight into what it's like to live my life. let me give you an introduction to who i am. my names megan but on here i'll be called m. i am twelve years old. i have been diagnosed with many mental illnesses. these include depression, anxiety, insomnia, anorexia, bulimia nervosa and schizophrenia. if you don't know what these are, don't worry, i'll explain each one so you understand everything in my head. before i do that, i want to give a trigger warning as some things i say may include suicide, self harm and eating disorders. so, let me explain all my mental disorders.
depression- depression is a common and serious mental illness that negatively affects how i feel and the way i act. depression causes feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in activities i once enjoyed. some symptoms that depression can cause are feeling sad, loss of interest, change of appetite, trouble sleeping, loss of energy, feeling worthless or guilty, difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions  and thoughts of death and suicide.
anxiety- anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness and unease about something with an uncertain outcome. anxiety has stopped me doing things i would love to do like shopping or going out with friends.
insomnia- insomnia is difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, even when i have a chance to. i can feel dissatisfied with my sleep and usually experience these symptoms: fatigue, difficulty concentrating and decreased performance in school.
anorexia- anorexia is a serious mental illness where i am at a low weight due to limiting my energy intake. as well as restricting the amount of food i eat, i do lots of exercise to burn of the food i have eaten. i experience cycles of bingeing ( eating large amounts of food at once ) and then purging.
bulimia nervosa- bulimia nervosa is where i eat a large quantity of food, and then try to compensate that overeating by vomiting, taking laxatives, fasting and exercising excessively.
schizophrenia- schizophrenia is a chronic brain disorder that symptoms delusions, hallucinations, trouble with thinking and concentrating and lack of motivation.
so, that is all what is going on in my life. if you don't have any of these disorders, just try to picture all of those in your head at once. try building them up. think about depression and then anxiety. they are pretty much opposites. depression is when you want to be alone and by yourself but anxiety means you don't want to be lonely and want to be with someone. it's horrible to have all those things in my head at once. as well as those mental disorders, i also have many many thoughts of suicide and self harm. i pretty much self harm everyday. my suicidal thoughts are often too. they are always there. always reminding me that one day it will happen. and i know it will. believe me. i hope you enjoyed the first part of my book. lots of love, m x