Silence. Thats all i want, is silence. He's not here with me, but i feel him. I feel his warmth, i feel his lips against mine. I feel him. He is everywhere. Carter is everywhere. Tomorrow at noon, I leave for the Victory tour that I will just be reminded of my loss. Everyone in the Capital thinks i'm crazy or taking Carters loss too seriously. I can't think straight anymore. Maybe there right, maybe i am crazy. I walk out on the cold street of District 12 and begin my journey. Today i'm go to see the Cason's. They called my father two days after I came home from the Capital and wanted to see me, i've been avoiding them. I walk across the square and everyone stares. I didn't notice it during the games, and Carter never mentioned it, but i have a scare on my cheek bone and thats usually what everyone starts at. I walk up the stares and I'm about to knock when Carter's mother opens the door.
She has his eyes. I swallow hard, chocking back a sob. "Avirex" She says. She beckons for me to follow her. She leads through the house and into a sitting room. There Carter father, brother and sister are sitting on a small couch. I sit on the couch in front of them in silence. "Hello" Carters father say.
"Head Peacekeeper." i say shyly. I see a picture of Carter in his hands and i swallow harder but a sob racks y body. "We have some things for you. Of Carters." Carters sister said that. She is definitely his sister. Carters mother stands and hands me a box. When i open it i see a small ring. I hold it up and his mother say,"That was his district token. They sent it back with his…" Im happy she doesn't continue. I dig through the box and find something i wasn't expecting. Something I lost in the Arena.
"Where did you get this?" i ask not bothering to swallow my sob.
"It was in his hand, when they sent him back." His mother say lightly.
"Carter took off after you where stabbed." His sister say. I close the box and run out of the house. I don't want to go home so i go to the last place i can think of. School. I sit under a tree outside of the school building and cry into my hands. I cry hysterically and i know I'm loud. i know i have to go through the rest of the box, so i sit up and open it. I take my Mockingjay Necklace and slip his ring on there. Then i look through the box again. In the bottom is a small old, leather jacket i'm guessing was his. I slip it on an feel warm, i feel him. Just then a small girl walks up to me and say,"Arn't you suppose to be in school?" The kids have just gotten out of school by the looks of it. I look up at her and say,"No not anymore." She eyes my scare and say,"Its okay." and hugs me. After se releases me i stand up and run home. I shut the door behind me and run to my room. When i get there i hide under the covers for the night.
I wake up to Amanda shaking me and pointing to the clock on the wall. Its 8:30. I have to get my things ready to go. Amanda leaves, I start to pack. After i'm done i sit on the side of my bed and stare out the window until i hear Cadem walk in. He sits next to me and tells me i have to go get ready. In an hour i'm standing in a pink snow outfit with Carters jacket in my hands, about to walk of the door. There reporters everywhere, asking me questions i can't answer. When we are at the train station, i notice that it's the same train from the Reaping Day. I haven't eaten in 2 days but i'm not hungry. When it's time for dinner i don't go to my room, i go to Carters. I lay where he laid and cry myself to sleep. The whole Victory Tour flashes by and in each district i wear Carters jaket. It isn't until i'm in District 2 that i loss it. District 2 is where Carter grew up. There tributes beat and killed him. I can't do this anymore. I don't want this anymore. I don't want Life.
