Far Away From Her

i.

I was lonely and upset, and then she came. As a friend she wrapped herself around me, confusing and swirling me around like a tornado. I thought she was only playing with my feelings that lingered on a rope, but deep down I knew she wanted more than little games. There was this night where she stole a kiss from me, smiled and said, "worth it." I sometimes wonder if I am really worth it. Was that, a peck on my lips, really worth it? To taste my cut and bruised lips? I wasn't worth it. The disgusting taste of pain and depression was reached when the soft flesh of her lips embraced mines. Of course she didn't like how intoxicated I smell, or how tight I pushed her against my chest because I really needed her, and wanted her. But my lips were tight shut and I would not speak a word to her. Maybe everything would've changed if she had seen how hurt I was, how closed my eyes were during our embrace that lasted only less than ten seconds. Her lips tasted deliciously salty, it was like a glass of white wine pouring in my lips. 

The thought of her became more often as days passed, my ears couldn't get rid of her words, nor my mind from her eyes, lets not talk about my heart, who beated the same melody. Her fingers caressed my cheek softly, burning me inside, leaving a permanent scar behind to trace and chase me later at night. I wanted to feel her again, closed against me. I wanted to feel her intense gaze and be lost in it, like a rabbit in a labyrinth. But life it's not like we want it to be, and some times we'd have to fight, and I guess I lost my chance long ago. 

"I'm sorry," She had said. "For confusing you."

And I wanted to scream that I felt the same for her, that I have never met anyone like her. But reality strikes in with such quickness I don't even realize I'm crying. Life it's difficult, and we don't decide how it's going to be. You get hurt, but that's okay. 

Her smile suddenly became blank stares. We barely talked, and her gaze was fading away. It hurt like hell loosing her, but I knew it was for the best. Maybe living the rest of the month would bring some regret, I thought, but it only brought memories. The first talk; the first touch; the first kiss, and the last one. All in less than two weeks. It rushed through me too fast. And though I never told her how I felt,  it's too late now.

She left the town because she couldn't handle so many memories at once, and because the sight of me was killing her. I smiled, like an idiot at the window she rolled back up. She waved and hold onto her tears, while I put a straight face into act and stood there, watching how my opportunity lslipped from my fingertips. 

When she was long gone in the road I finally confessed my love for her. "I love you," I whispered to the soft and cold wind blowing my hair furiously. My lips parted, granting and waiting for hers. But the only thing I was left with was a heart ache.