"Day 44: still I sit in this empty house, reminiscing about the old days. Sure, they were full of violence and drama, but I was with people who I loved, and they loved me. Here it is quiet. I long for the chatter of Armin, and disagreements with Eren. I miss Jean's complaining, and Sasha's laughter. I even miss Captain Levi's commands. What fills my ears now is nothing but wind and rain. I wonder what life it like for them now... I bet it is great. It must be so relaxing now, knowing that they can do whatever they want without the constant threat of titans.
I miss them, and not even the joy of freedom can make me feel better."
"-Mikasa" she signed, and threw the pen down.
She was angry. Not at anyone particularly except herself. How could she let them just leave? Was she such a worthless person that no one would stay for her.
"UGH!" she yelled, throwing the pen as far as she could.
The pen dropped down and thudded against the dirt. The cap flew off.
"What is there in life if there is no one to love!" she whispered to herself.
"Here I am talking to myself like a lunatic. No wonder no one came back for me..."
She closed her eyes and drew in a long breath. The wind blew up her hair from her face, like a big invisible hand holding it up.
"Lunatic," she repeated.
"No one to love..."
She stood up and tucked her notebook into her belt. There had to be something to do. Laying around moping wasn't an option anymore. If she was going to live, here she was going to have to do something with her life. She knew where to go.
'I am going to drive myself insane', she thought as she ran, puffing.
'I am going to die of boredom I'm sure of it,' she thought.
Her feet continued to pound. Her breathing grew harder with every stride.
She stopped near a small patch of trees, blowing away dead leaves. She bent down and cleared leaves off the ground. Beneath the leave laid a plaque with the words scribed in them:
MARCO BODT
A lump in her throat formed. She started at the letters. It was still hard to believe. She laid down on top of the rectangle of grass below the plaque. She buried her face in the green, inhaling not only the minty scent but the memories.
/ 2 months earlier \
"Oh, shut up, Armin," Jean laughed. "You're the horse face!" Armin replied, with wide eyes.
"It's on you little-"
"Guys, stop," Mikasa pleaded. They both went quiet and tipped there heads down.
"But Marco wouldn't have wanted him to call me horse face.." Jean pouted.
"But he would've wanted you to shut up," Eren hissed. Jean blushed and apologized.
Mikasa reached out a hand and touched the plaque.
"Lookin good, Marco," she said.
"Hey that's my man you're talking to," Jean looked at her defensively. She put her hands up.
"Sorry.."
He nodded and then put his own hand on it.
"You know, Marco, Mikasa's right.." Armin began saying. "You don't look half bad..
OOF." Eren threw his elbow back and hit Armin in the stomach.
"That will never be funny," he said, glaring. Jean looked at Armin but then directed his view back to the grave.
He then laid back, on the grass.
Mikasa laid down too.
"Are we sleeping now?" Armin asked. Eren shushed him and laid down as well.
They all looked up at the blue sky, watching the clouds drift by.
"I really miss him..." Jean said. Mikasa could swear he was choking up.
"We all do," Eren said.
They laid there for what seemed like ages, but nothing pulled them away. They didn't want to leave that little moment of serenity they had, when they could almost see Marco sitting right next to them...
/ Present time \
Mikasa looked up at that same sky, now dark and dirty. A cold tear dripped down her cheek, falling off her sharp chin and into the grass.
"Well, Marco. This is what it's like. You're not missing much," she sniffled.
"Everyone is gone except us. We are the ones they left behind. We are the worthless."
She remembered Marco smiling, and his freckled cheeks. There was nothing to smile about then...
"I miss you, though. I don't know about the others. They're so caught up in their new world that don't even mind to think about us, nor miss us."
|| I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.
Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.
Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.
Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.
Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..
Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.
But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting. ||
- poem by Potsim and Pikachu
YOU ARE READING
New World: AOT
FanfictionMikasa is left alone on Earth, where she explores by herself. The rest of the world had escaped to space because they had agreed it was no longer suitable to live on. Mikasa learns of the secrets left behind- and she finds out she isn't the only one...
