Trail of Ashes

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I sit on my lumpy bed and stare up at the most handsome man I have ever seen. He's dressed in a pair of nice dark jeans, a black t shirt and black boots. He says nothing. Just watches me. He walked me back to the warehouse and into my room. He even locked the door behind us.

The rational part of me says I should be afraid that this beautiful stranger knows where I live. But I'm not. My mind is still in this state of peace. Maybe he secretly drugged me and I'm not thinking rationally. Maybe he's not real and like the ashes, he's going to disappear.

There's one thing I need to know first. He could lie to me but I need to ask. I just hope he's an honest man. My view of him is already far from normal. It's tainted by my sudden mood change. My slight attraction to him freaks me out a little too. I keep my face straight and hope my voice doesn't waver.

"Did my father send you?" I ask him.

I wait for his jaw to tick or his eyes to look away. But he never moves. His eyes never lose their connection with mine as he speaks.

"I can assure you that no one has sent me to you. It may seem hard for you but you can trust me. I promise I will not hurt you." His deep voice replies.

I watch as he looks away and his mind seems deep in though for a moment. He's distracted by something. After a minute his eyes come back to settle on me. I hear the regret in his voice.

"I must go." He doesn't explain. He just watches me.

"Wait..." I hate the desperation in my voice. I clear my throat and try again. I shouldn't feel like this. I don't even know him. I must be suffering from a mental illness. Or maybe I didn't realize how alone I have been these past years. I don't want to be alone.

"Will you come back?"

Seven words come out of his mouth. Seven words of hope.

"You will see me again Henley. Soon." Then he disappears.

I can't help but stare at the empty space he vacated. I look down to the ground where he was standing. My heart flutters a little at what I see on the dirty plywood floor. The words come out of my mouth in a whisper.

"Ashes...black ashes."

That's not the only thing I realize in that moment. He called me Henley.

***

I sit undisturbed in my room for the rest of the day. I eat a can of green beans at the desk and look around the room. My cheeks heat with embarrassment when I make an unfortunate realization. Mystery man has been in my room before. Watching me sleep? What does he think of me? I live in a nasty warehouse. I'm a dirty drifter. My mind wanders to my scars. Before I can stop it, the feeling of sadness overwhelms me again. I look at my wrists and contemplate. I disgust myself. I claim a moment of mental insanity. What was I thinking? He's not of this world and he could never see me as anything other than what I am. Damaged goods.

I make my way to the floor and crawl to my poor excuse for a bed. I climb under the covers and curl into a ball. The peace is completely gone. I'm left with hopelessness. I have no will to live anymore. I hate the weight of this sorrow like I hate the sight of my scars.

I know I'm broken. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. I don't remember being a happy kid. Scanning my memories, I try to find a happy one. They're few and far between. Maybe I do suffer from a mental illness. Maybe my father was right. I'm sick like my mom was.