Noontides

Noontide

Many faults I have inflicted in life I now regret, yes, but none as the one I did out of sheer desperation. It was the worst I have ever done, and even hell could not punish me well enough for such a deed. I supposed long ago that the death of my wife was the most terrible ever -- I shrudder upon the thought of all the abuse she had to be put through before her death, and she died! She died of childbirth. This was punishment so piercing and searing, but one I so deserved... Yet nothing -- nothing! Nothing could ever make up for what I just did.

It was seventeen years since that goddamn day she had to die. I was quite accustomed to the life I had already -- that I lost both my wife and baby in childbirth. I had to move on. I had another daughter to attend to, and attend to her, I did: I toiled day and night as a teacher. It was a far cry from the life of a drunkard I used to have, but sobriety wasn't entirely foreign to me anymore. I had to get a grip.

This my life has been until one day. It was the first day of classes in yet another section I had to manage. My students entered the classroom, and I introduced to them the rules and regulations I recited for about years now. I had the fluency -- after all, I've done this a million times in the past, but...

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

I suddenly was silenced, and I probably stood there for every one of my students to witness how I just stopped with my talking to merely stand there, but Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

A student of mine.

...wow. Beautiful. Chestnut brown waves, coffee brown eyes, full lips... shit. So much of the likes of my dear Maria. Plus the way they both sat and listened and looked on and smiled... That encounter was indeed heaven.

"Uhm... where was I?" I scratched at my scalp. Now was not the time to get too caught up, but who could blame me?

I then avoided that my eyes avert to her, and succeedingly I was able to discuss. Still, I couldn't -- just couldn't -- help but be rendered bewildered by that one lass, and it had me wondering if I ever... loved her.

Yet, I knew we could not be. It is obvious, what with my status as her teacher and all. Despite such fact, however, I took it upon me to read her information. It turns out she was here in the behest of a scholarship, and she lived in one of the poorest areas here in Metro Manila... Wow.

But that was not all. Seeing her more often, I noticed that she only had a banana for lunch. She was a queer and quiet one too, really. I never saw her interact with anybody. And this went on and on, but after a week...

I bade her forward.

"Sir?"

"Rosa, Rosa, have my lunch."

"S -- sir? No, thank you."

"Rosa. You're barely eating. You're so pretty, yet so thin. Eat."

With that, she blushed. "No, Sir."

A ripple of irritation surged through me.

"EAT." It came out more as a demand that a request.

She succumbed. "Yes, sir..."

"Hey now, don't be scared. I am just concerned... Hmmm. Sit here, with me."

Hesitantly, she did. Maybe I was too aggressive towards her, but as the days and weeks passed, she grew quite an affection to me as her adviser. We always had lunch together and talked... my wallet was seriously taking a nose-dive because I bought her meals every single day, but it was worth it. Shewas worth it. Anyway, we always bonded, but it was usually with others. I didn't want to be obvious, but we had time together, yes. Yes we did.

And as we did, I really saw my dear Maria with her... Witty, smart, sarcastic, beguiling... Man. It killed me. It so did. But I had to be subtle. I should proceed with caution, yes -- lest I lose my job. Still, I want to risk it all, for my dearest Mar -- for my dearest Rosa.