The Stairway

I die daily whenever I'd see the stairway to his room. The old stairway left painful marks in my chest. How could I be so selfish and stupid? Regrets keep haunting me to my bed that it even drive sleep away. What I did that time wounded my own heart and even torn it apart. Wounds may heal but they leave scars and the scars inside my heart will forever be apparent. 

I am James Harold, 19, from New York, only son of Robert and Alice Harold. I believe in second chances and this was my story...

Mom and dad were not on good terms. They fought almost all the time; I even seen mom with bruises thrice and daily with swollen eyes. When I was eight I was sent to Delaware at my grandparents' without my approval, of course I was still a minor so my parents made decisions for me. Again, I was sent to DE to maybe stay away from my parents' war zone or to avoid emotional damages. It was at 12:30 P.M. when I arrived Rehoboth Beach, a city along the Delaware beaches in eastern Sussex County, DE; and summer was almost over and classes were starting soon. My grandparents tenderly welcomed me with their hugs and kisses. The place was beyond exceptional. The two-story house was somewhat old with a wide porch designed to witness a very fantastic view of Rehoboth Beach coastline. I fell in love with the place at first sight. I was hoping to be there only for months but much to my dismay my parents didn't come back to bring me home. They made phone calls and asked how thing were doing. But evidently they were still not on good terms.  

I was a junior high in Cape Henlopen High School in Lewes when my granddad was rushed to the hospital because of heart attack. Five days later he was discharged with a wheelchair. My grandmom and I brought him home that afternoon. His room was located upstairs so it became my morning and evening routine to give him a piggyback ride down and up the stairway which made the knot of love between us even tighter. I loved my grandparents and it was a pleasure to be doing such things for them.  

But days came when I would have to be late in my first class because I still needed to bring granddad down the stairway; and nights when I couldn't hang out with my friends because I needed to bring granddad up to his room as early. I loved my granddad but the discomfort of bringing him up and down the stairway became a burden. One night, Alexis, my girlfriend, wanted to introduce me to her parents. In the middle of dinner with Alexis and her family, my grandmom texted me to hurry home because granddad wanted to sleep already. I excused myself from Alexis and her parents and hurriedly went outside. 

"Couldn't you stay for a minute, James?" Alexis from behind me was now disappointed.  

"I'm sorry, Alex, it's just that granddad wanted to go to bed already. I hope you understand," I explained. 

"You always make that excuses! Can't you see that I need your time also? You embarrassed me in front of my parents, James! I could never forgive you!" Then tears started to down her checks. 

"I'm really sorry. Can you please understand me just for this moment? Please? This is really so hard for me to do but granddad needs me right now. Alex, I love you...and I hope, for this once, you understand." I tried to calm madness that was forming.  

"I've been trying to understand you but right now I can't anymore and I had enough of you!" And before I could go near her she already slammed the door in front of me. 

"Hey, Alex!" I tried to call out and knocked her door several times but no one came out. I was hoping to thing will be back to normal tomorrow. I just couldn't live without her. 

The following morning, I received a call from Alexis. Before I could greet her good morning, she already spoke up and after she told me that she was waiting for me at the Diner for a talk that very moment, she hang up. I hurriedly took a shower, change clothes and ran downstairs. Grandmom was already preparing for breakfast. 

"You're up already, James?" She asked. 

I went near her and kissed her as an apology that I couldn't make it for granddad this day. "I'm really sorry grandmom but I need to get hurry. I can't piggyback granddad this time." I grabbed my key and hasted to my car without listening to grandmom's answer. 

It only took me five minutes to make it to the Diner. Alexis was at the corner reading a magazine. I walked towards her and was about to kiss her when she suddenly stood up and said, "I'm breaking up with you!" I stood there shocked while she was already running outside. When those words were slowly digested in my mind, I ran after her to explain. I was hoping for just one chance from her. A chance to talk so to repair things between us. But before I could reach her, she already went in Brandon's car. Brandon, the guy who's head to toe crazy over Alexis; the guy who'd take advantage of this kind of situation just to get her. 

That day, I wasn't in the mood to go to school, instead I headed downtown and strolled abstractedly to any direction so that could comprehend what had just happened. About ten hours or so, I found myself along the shore drinking brewski I bought from downtown. After three bottles, I slowly headed home which was only five blocks from where I was. I could no longer drive my car so I left it and walked ahead. When I was about to open the door, I heard grandmom subbing calling for my granddad's name. I thought the subbing were only in my mind since I was totally broken hearted but when I got upstairs and peeked inside granddad's room, I saw grandmom kneeling down embracing granddad who was lying on his bed. She was beyond doubt crying over him. I was confused so I opened the door slowly and asked what the matter was. Grandmom didn't answer. So I went near granddad and held his hand. It was so cold. All of a sudden, my senses came back as tears rolling down from my eyes. I couldn't understand how I felt. I cried.  

"It can't be! Grandmom, please tell me. Tell me that granddad's just sleeping! Tell me! Speak to me grandmom! Please!" My throat became dry and my voice shook. I held my granddad's hands tightly and uttered promises that were now useless. "Granddad, wake up! I am bringing you downstairs right now. Let's see the shore together. Don't you know that it is more wonderful outside at night than at the day? Please granddad, wake up! Please." But no answer. My heart totally broke. I could no longer piggyback my granddad. I could no longer bring him down and up the stairway. I could no longer hear his voice. Regrets. I blamed myself for my granddad's death. I should have brought him down that morning and maybe he should have been alive still. Had not I been so selfish, maybe he's still with us. And even if it's his last day, I should have proven him that I loved him until his last breath.  

After I graduated from high school, mom and dad brought me back with grandmom to New York. From the appearance alone, they were now in good terms and I was glad about it. The day after my granddad's death, Alexis showed up and we had a talk. She blamed herself as well for my granddad's death. But after that talk, we've never dated again. We remained just friends and that was okay for me. 

Now, I am pursuing a degree at Columbia University. And again, I am giving a piggyback ride for grandmom to go down and up a new different stairway we are having in the house. And I can't start and end my day without her on my shoulders. I still regret the day I did that stupid mistake. The mistake where I was asking for a chance from someone when all I needed was a chance from me. Though the pain is still in my heart, yet what had happened is already a part of yesterday. Right this day, there is nothing more precious to me than to see my grandmom's smiles, to hear her voice and to have her over my shoulders. I will make her feel special until her last breath. I will show her that I love her until the end. Today is my second chance.