A Writers Heart and Mind.

Why?

I see you in my dreams. I see the smiles we shared. I see the way your brown eyes looked like they were sparkling. I see the way you held me. I see the laughter we once shared. I see the way your hair fell perfectly. I can still hear the words "I Love You". Father, why did you leave? Why did you never call? Why did you never come to visit? Why did every time I asked mom where you were she cried? Why do I have this achy feeling deep inside of me? Did you leave because of me? What have I done? I used to ask myself these questions every night when I lay in my bed alone. I used to hate that you left. I used to hate that you never called. I used to hate that you never came to visit. I used to hate that I would get that achy feeling deep inside of me. I used to hate how every time I thought of you I would blame myself for your leaving.I used to hate that because of you I shut myself off from the world. I used to hate that every time someone got close I had an achy feeling. Now, oh Father now, I do not hate. I do not love you. I do not blame you. I do not blame myself. I do not feel anything for you. Yes, that may have seemed harsh, but I do not. Now I never ask those questions. Now I never wait for the phone to ring and it be you. Now I never wait for you to visit mom and I. I forgive you for leaving. That was your choice, but Father know this: you don't get the title "dad", you don't get to show back up, you don't get to call, and you don't get to know me. So thank you. You may not have expected that response, but I do thank you. I thank you for leaving. I thank you for the scars. I thank you for not being my dad. If you hadn't left I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't have the amazing relationship with my mom I do now. I have grown. I have moved on from the hurt you caused. I have helped mom heal from your wounds. I have opened myself up once more. I have become someone new and I am proud to be this strong person. So, Thank you.