Walrus x Reader x Shrek x Santa SEXY

An ogres love- Chappy 1

Y/N= Your name

B/F= Big feet

E/C= eye color

i= Thought

B= important keys, yelling.

U= Muttering

<[£{SHREK POV}£]>

It was a gloomy day outside my outhouse, I was finishing my daily morning poop. Today it was an ombré of green and grey with a slight hint of buff, it reminded me of that scrumptious lunch Fiona made me the other day, strange. I sigh. I don't want to get off the toilet. I don't want to see her- Fiona. Wive's are meant to be SWEET, LOVING, SEXY, FRIENDLY, UNDERSTANDING AND GOOD AT CLEANING TOILETS, But that's not Fiona. She beats me with trees daily, And she is a bad alcoholic . My cheeks sag into the bowl, the wood is cold. I shake my big, obese legs to shuffle it back up. The bitterly cold toilet water freezes my gluteus maximas, making me scrunch it up. 'Ugh, the annoyance of a toilet' I chuckle at myself, I'm a professional toilet user, so that made me laugh. Little slip ups really remind me of the good ol' days.

I sigh once more, and pick up my storybook that was sitting next to me. I open it. 'Once Upon a time, a princess lay still in a castle. Soon to be woken up by a true loves kiss.' I feel my cheeks sting. I usually play along with the 'I HATE THIS!' Trope, but this time I couldn't help myself. Just imagining me being the prince to my princess, Santa. 'AHAHEHEHHEHEHEHE!' I giggle to myself, kicking my big, throbbing feet. That's when I heard it. 'SHREEKKKKKKK' Fiona's voice echoed through the small gap of the outhouse. 'Uh oh..' I mutter to myself, did It think out loud before? About Santa? Oh no no no! I slap myself, How could I possibly do that?!

'SHREEEKKKK!!! ARE YOU ALIVE?! UGH' I close my eyes and rest my bald, bulky, viridescent head in my arms. Why....,Whywhywhywhy 'SHREEKKK, WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN THERE? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THE TREE? I WILL DO IT WITHOUT ANY HESITATION. YOU HAVE TO THE COUNT OF 3' I feel a slight tear rolling down my cheeks. I know men aren't supposed to cry, but I can't help it. One by one, they come falling down. 'Aha!' I cough. The tears keep on drooling down my face, help me! Santa! Donkey! Someone... . '1.......2....' I shake my head and jump outside of the small boxed off toilet, half pulling my pants up. Tears still flowing down my face. 'Ah!...' Fiona looks suprised. 'Look at the state of you! Gee, go clean up. I was calling you because Donkey is here! And you look like that...disgraceful' she walks away, shaking her head in disgust. I let out a sigh of relief and drop to the ground. To any normal person, it may not seem like a big deal, but to ME..I was so thankful she didn't find out. What just happened was one of my episodes, I usually have them around Fiona. I pull up my pants and place the storybook back in the outhouse, before stretching. That all happened so quickly haha.. I think to myself.

Eventually, the crying stopped, and I decided to go greet Donkey. I didn't do it before because I could never let him see me in such a state, Fiona would kill me. Reaching the doorknob, I turn and before me lay Donkey. On my couch. With his feet on! 'Yoooo swanky shrekkk my bo-' interrupting his sentence I yell: 'DONKAYYYY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!' 'Huh!?' Donkey falls back in shock, his feet on my floor now! 'AH AH AH-' I yell in a panic, 'Shrek, what is it?!' Donkey says confused 'Y-YOUR FEET IS ON! TAKE IT OFF' Donkey, in realisation, looks down at his hooves. 'OMGOSH- SHREK I'M SORRY! I WASN'T THINKING!' Before I could reply, he immediately takes his feet off. I look down at his now footless feet. They're so dirty! 'Ewww...ugh whatever, just clean up your mess or Fiona wi- never mind.' I close my eyes tight that was close. I don't know what she would've done to me if she found out. I rub my head wrinkles with my forefinger and thumb in a shape of an L. I bet I look so dumb. I need a break from this. I think to myself. Maybe I can go call my snappy Santa <3, yeah that's a good idea! Without thinking I excitedly say 'Sorry, Donkey, I need to make a call.... I'll be back in a sec.' I try to not blush at the thought of my beautiful Santa, spending his time with me through a call...his aesthetic lips shaping out the words 'Hello! This is Santa from the nor- oh! Hello Shrek, it's been a while, I've missed you! So what have you been up to?' A warm, electric feeling shivers down my body. 'Okay, Shrek, I'll just sit here and watch T.V!' I suddenly snap back into reality 'y-yeah, brb' with my face flushing I walk back out.

'Phew...' I open my 'Videotime and text with Santa for kids!' App up, and schedule a call in 30 seconds. As I wait, I imagine all the things Santa could possibly say to me- 'Shrek! My, darling, handsome Shrek...I've waited for you to call ;)' no, that's not realistic.. 'Hello? Shrek-Senpai? OMGOSH hey! I was just thinking of you, bae! You should come over some time and I can teach you how to bake a child! B-but it's benign! I-it's not like I like you or anything! Shut up!' Even less realistic! Soon after my fan-boying I realise that the timer has gone down to 02 seconds!