Californian Dream (an O2L FanFic)

Never To Be Forgiven

I walk to Connor's room, without second thinking it. My heart was beating a mile a minute, like when Connor and I had our first kiss, but it wasn't a good feeling. I drag my feet along the floor, half wanting to talk to him and half not. It feels like his room is so far, yet so close.

I finally get to his room, I put my hand on the doorknob but I stop because I hear him talking to someone. I lean on the door and stay as quiet as I can.

"I don't know, dude. What she did, it hurt a lot and it hurts more everyday I see her"

"But you can't ignore her" I found out that he was talking to Ricky.

"I know, I live in the same house"

"Stop kidding, you know what I mean"

"*sigh* I guess ignoring her makes it like she isn't there, so she can't hurt me. But that has no use, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep at night because of her. I don't know why she did what she did"

Connor, you never let me explain what happened. I keep thinking about you, you don't know how I've been going to sleep.

"Did you let her explain?"

"No, because what I saw explained itself. What happened out there, I don't think I can ever forgive her" I don't think I can ever forgive her. I don't think I can ever forgive her. I don't think I can ever forgive her. These words keep repeating in my head. I sigh and let go of the doorknob. Tears come flowing out, my relationship is surely done. There's no hope.

I hear Connor's door open, I refuse to turn around.

"Hey Jade"

It was Ricky, I walk faster, I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Partially because my brain only knows eight words right now, and those words hurt me a lot. Tears streaming down are hitting the ground, Ricky calls out to me.

"Jade!" Ricky starts jogging towards me.

I couldn't talk, the crying stopped me from talking. Even if I could talk, I wouldn't be able to get one word out without crying again. I can't stand these feelings, but before I knew it, I broke. I turn around and I let all of my emotions out.

"Ricky! Stop! Connor didn't even let me explain!! I don't care anymore, I don't care! Connor can believe what he wants to believe! You can believe in whatever he thinks but I'm the real victim here! You don't know what happened! I do! This whole freakin week stresses me out! I can't even go to bed! Nothing makes sense! I love Connor but we are done!" I was done yelling at Ricky, I was out of breath, crying even harder and taken back by what I said. I didn't think about what I was saying, my mouth just shot them out.

"Jade it's okay"

"No it's not Ricky!" I turn away and started to walk to my room again.

"I'm coming to talk to you in five minutes and you can't make me leave"

He's right, I can't make him leave but I surely can make myself leave. Permanently, temporarily, it doesn't matter I just need time. I look out the window thinking of a place I could go to, somewhere far perhaps. I decide to go to that forest that burnt down an hour or two away. I quickly find a backpack and grab all my necessities. As soon as I'm done I look at my phone to see that I had two more minutes. I ran down the hall, down the stairs, out the door, and into my car. I left immediately and turned off my phone so no one could call me. I know they will get worried but, I'm doing this to give Connor space and for my sake.

As I'm driving, memories start coming back to me. Connor and me fighting over.....something stupid. We were skyping one night and we suddenly start yelling at each other for changing plans. Connor and I planned to meet somewhere in the middle but that had to change because we just couldn't figure it out. I found that the most heated fight we had but looking back on it, it's nothing compared to what's going on now. I thought moving here would be a dream come true, but it's not what I had in mind. I thought I was gonna be so much closer to Connor and Sam but look where it got me, driving away to a burnt down forest, crying, upset, and mostly heartbroken.

That fight shouldn't have happened. Connor hates me now, we used to have something. He doesn't love me anymore, but I just can't let go of him. I still love and care for him, I'd take a bullet for that kid. Nothing will ever stop me from protecting him, even if it means he won't do the same for me.

I speed up a little more, wanting to get to my destination as quick as possible. I wasn't paying attention, I turned too sharply and hit a gate at 70 miles an hour.