Have you ever had a dream that youre falling and you wake up shaking? Well...i have...accept it wasnt a dream. It was real life. I could feel myself falling further and futher. I kept hoping it was a dream, that i could wake up and everything would be okay, that id be laid in my bed but no. This was real. This was happening. I cant wake up. I cant be saved. Im falling off a block of flats. The view is nice, quite calm actually. I can hear my best friends voice in the back of my mind saying 'please dont do this' why not? I ask myself. What have i got left. You know how they say youre life flashes past you before you die? It does, but when youre the cause of your own death its different, you see everything that made you do this, you realise that theres nothing wrong with you, its them who are to blame.
I hit the floor, paramedics rush to me. Someone had called an ambulance. I can hear my mum crying and screaming at me to stay here. She sits beside me with her hands placed either side of my head holding it up. I cant move. I can hear the steady beat of my heart, im still alive. I open my eyes to see the crowd that surrounds my body, i close them again. When i reopen my eyes im laid in a hospital bed. I must have fainted or fallen asleep? I hear the beeps of the Heart Monitor. Beep. Beep. Beep. Then it stops. My mum bursts into tears. I look at the machine, ive flat lined. My body lays there peaceful and motionless. How could this be happening?
Then it hits me, i was in a coma and my life support had been turned off. What i saw was my last seconds on earth. As i realised this i watched as my mum broke down. I wanted to hug her and say 'im right here, stop crying' but i wasnt. I was in an alternate world. I felt awful. How could i be so selfish? I kept telling myself itwas all a dream, that id wake up but i knew this was real. Regret and guilt filled my head. I stood there staring at my pale body. My eyes were closed, i looked calm and at rest. My hands laid neatly by my side and my hair hung gently across my head, just as it was when i left school that evening. 10 o'clock. Ive been here for almost 7 hours although i didnt know that. I had several broken bones
I saw some flowers by the side of my bed, i walked over to them and looked at the tag 'I cant live without you. You go i go remember? I love you.' I knew exactly who it was from. My eyes filled with tears as i sat on the end of my bed. I never really liked the smell of Hospitals, i decided to go for a walk. I saw him. He looked so upset, i ran over to him, in that moment id forgotten he couldnt see me. I stood a few feet infront of him and screamed its name. He got closer, he walked straight through me. My chest went tight. I decided to follow him to see what he was doing and as he couldnt see me...why not? He was going to his house, he got to the door, opened it, went in and up to his room. He opened his drawer, i started to wonder if id done the right thing.
Had i? I lost focus and turned back to look at him. He pulled out a rope...i felt my stoumache turn. I knew exactly what he was going to do. I had to stop him, i couldnt let him do this. I burst into tears. I couldnt watch the one i love end his life because of me. What could i do? I wasnt just going to stand there. I remembered something id once been told; when someone dies they stay there for a reason and until its been done they have to stay there before they pass to heaven or hell. What if that was why im still here? My purpouse was to save him. Ive heard you can reveal yourself to people who mean most to you. Thats what i had to do.
I tried and tried to reveal myself but i had no luck. An idea came into my head, il write something, give him a sign. I had my school bag on me, i pulled out my pink lipstick and carefully wrote on his mirror 'its me, please dont do this, not because of me.' He saw it and gasped. 'Show me its you' he spoke quietly, as if he was scared someone would hear. 'I cant' i wrote on the mirror, my dainty writing was in the top left corner. 'Okay, what am i meant to do, we had a deal remember, i cant live without you' he said softly, tears emerging into his eyes. 'I know' i wrote, 'im sorry but i couldnt deal with the pain anymore.' He started to cry. 'I cant live without you' he screamed 'id rather be dead and be with you than stay here without you!' Now i was also in tears. He grabbed the rope and tied it around his door, he stood on the chair and took one last breath. '1...2...3...' he kicked over the chair. Moments later i looked up at the body that was just hanging there. I caused this. It was my fault. He appeared next to me but he wasnt crying, he was smiling. He ran over to me and hugged me tighter than ever. I felt so guilty. 'Good to see you' he said kissing me on the forehead 'i missed you'
