Teil 1

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„a year of dropped calls, undelivered text messages, text messages i could not bear to write and a whole year of silence. silence. silent like my wilting cries swallowed back at 4 am to avoid waking the neighbors. silent like the 'i love you's' that never again slipped past your lips. silent like the radio i turned down because your favorite song started playing and i just needed to fucking drive. silent like my phone became once you left, no longer brimming with your sweet words, asking if i was doing okay. silent like the party noises we both drowned out- searching for our own voices ringing in the crowd. silent like my pen gliding across fresh paper, leaking ink colored with the way you once said my name. silent like the midnight hour, the both of us awake, scrolling through the photos and love letters we swore never to visit again. it's a common trope to say that silence is deafening- that sometimes silence is the loudest thing to ever be heard.  however, our silence is simply quiet.  it has been muted by the distance that grows between us.  i suppose the silence is comforting. it reminds me that you don't exist so loudly anymore. and i know that the silence will exist until my choked up cries bubble into laughter, until i remind myself to love myself, until i flip the radio to another station and turn it all the way up, until my mother texts me to see if i'm okay, until the party sounds get so loud that we have to plug our ears and just sing along, until my pen runs out of ink and i have to use an old, beaten up pencil instead, until the both of us find sleep at 11 pm, snores crawling out in a delicate song. despite all of the hurt, the silence has never been our enemy. so do me one last favor my dear- shh..."

Schrieb ich zittrig und müde in mein Tagebuch. Etwas lächelnd las ich das geschriebene nochmal durch und schloss das Buch. Ich legte den Stift darauf und beides Gemeinsam auf meinen Nachtschrank, auf dem eine Lampe und ein Bilderrahmen stand. Ich nahm den Bilderrahmen in die Hand und lächelte kurz. Vorsichtig, um nichts umzuwerfen, stellte ich den Rahmen zurück und legte mich zurück. Meine Hand huschte automatisch zu einem kleinen Lichtschalter und nach einem kurzen Augenblick wandelte sich der komplette Raum in tiefes Schwarz. Man hörte den Wind leise um das Haus huschen und ab und an den großen Baum im Vorgarten der seine Krone schüttelte. Ein letzter tiefer, erschöpfter Schnaufer und ich schloss die Augen.

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