Choices

④ choosing change

I don't believe in love. I believe an amine release the chemicals norepinephrine and dopamine, which gives you that elated feeling you get when you are attracted to someone or are touched by someone or kissed by someone. . .

However, love is just a word for that chemical process. This process also occurs when you're eating food. Like chocolate.

So whatever chemical process is happening within me right now, is similar to that. Only it's way more negative.

Grayson toys with people, I've known that for a while, and when I got home after the incident I went straight to my room and sat at my window spot. 

I hated that he tried to make me forgive him by kissing me, because that was just a jerk thing to do. But I didn't hate the kiss.

I touched my lips with my finger, you don't just go around kissing people like that, I thought. I could still feel his warm body pressed against mine and how his arms were wrapped around me, completely engulfing my body. 

While I was thinking about the kiss I could hear bells. Bells that either meant I was going crazy or that I might actually still care for Grayson.

Then I looked down. Oh. . . it was just my phone. I had a message. I unlocked my phone, it was from an anonymous person.

             hey abs:p i hope you don't mind

             I stole your number from the school's files.

             just wanted to give you my number, so 

             here it is. ok bye!

             -kyle

I smiled a little. Who cares about Grayson, I definitely know he doesn't care about me.

There might be one person in the world who does though.

I've always told myself that I don't care about anything or anyone, because I try to avoid the fact that nobody cares about me. I officially deem that as untrue. I don't hate humanity, there are some okay people out there.

I save his number to my phone and reply:

            hello kyle:) number recieved. thank you,

            for everything.

            -abbi

I turned off my light and sat on my bed. Deciding whether to sleep in it or not. I chose to pull out my blanket and crawl in. I think I'll be okay.

December 25, 2013, at 10:05

The second I jumped off the chair the hook broke and i fell to the ground creating a sound loud enough to be heared a mile away. I clawed at the ground, ignoring the pain that rushed through my entire body. I was still breathing, it hurt but I could still move, and i could still hear the painful beating of my heart.

"No." I whispered. "NO!" Then I screamed. "NO! NO! NO!" I repeated over and over again. My parent rushed in to my room. I was kicking and thrashing across the ground like a mad man. Then my eyes started to leak. I bawled without rest. My father was in complete shock and my mother started to cry. 

It hurt so bad. I failed. My vision started to blur and hearing started to fade. The last thing I saw was my mother kneeling next to me, trying to get the rope off and my father on the phone.

"No." I barely say one more time. Then it became dark.