Panic Attack

You just needed some fresh air. Now.

Head down, you rushed toward the doors of the X-Mansion that led outside, walking as quickly as you could without drawing attention to yourself.

Pushing through the doors, you kept walking, arms wrapped around yourself, trying to breathe slowly.
You walked until you reached the lake, then dropped down on the small pier, legs dangling over the edge, feet almost touching the water.

You looked at your hands, they were shaking.

"Ah, dammit," you whispered softly to yourself. You knew this feeling too well. Another panic attack. You hated it so much.  You could feel everything in you getting tighter and also unraveling. You knew you couldn't hold it together much longer. Waves of anxiety swept over you, your heart was pounding in your throat. You suddenly felt sick to your stomach.

You closed your eyes tightly and clenched your fists, trying desperately to breathe. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't you just be ok for once? Why couldn't you make it stop? But you knew all you could do was wait for it to pass. You put your head down in your heads and rocked a little, trying to calm yourself.

"Hey." A voice suddenly came from right behind you. You sat up and turned around, quickly trying to plaster a semi-ok look on your face. It was Peter Maximoff, the silver haired speedster you'd seen around. Up close, he was even cuter than you'd thought.

You scrambled to your feet and tried to smile. "H-hey," your voice came out shaky. You realized that you sounded on the verge of tears. God, pull it together. This might be the only time he'd ever talk to you.

"Are you alright?" The boy pushed the silver goggles he was wearing onto the top of his head. His warm brown eyes glanced over you, taking you in. Your heart rate kicked up another notch, if that was possible.

"Yeah, yeah!" You hoped you sounded convincing, and wrapped your arms around yourself to hide your shaking.

The boy tilted his head curiously and made a little face. "You sure? I saw you rush out, you looked kinda... not ok. Just thought I'd check, you know?" The boy spoke very quickly. "But if you're fine, that's great! Sorry if I bothered you."

"Uhhh. Thanks. Yeah, I'm-I'm-" You internally cursed yourself for being so awkward. Your lip began to tremble. You could feel yourself falling apart and you hated it. This was the worst impression you could make. He'd never talk to you again.

The boy stepped closer to you. "You're... what?" He raised a silver eyebrow expectantly.

You could feel your heart in your throat, choking you. Why'd he have to talk to you now, when you no were practically falling apart?? Why not when you were ok? You opened your mouth, but nothing came out.

"Hey," the boy's voice was soft. "It's ok. You can tell me what's going on." He paused. "I mean, if you want to. You don't have to. But, um, yeah." He laughed a little awkwardly and scratched behind his head.

You took a deep breath. He seemed sincere. Could you trust him not to freak out? You glanced up into his dark eyes and felt your heart catch again. "I- Thanks. I don't. Really know what to say... how to explain it." You stumbled.

"Just breathe and take it slowly." Peter smiled and you felt the knot in your chest unwind the tiniest bit.

"Ok. ok." You nodded quickly. Breathing again, you focused on his faded band t shirt, your fidgeting hands, anything but his face. "Um. I'm having a panic attack. It's something that happens to me sometimes, and it makes me kind of freak out. Get really anxious and stuff. And I can't really help it. I hate it, but I'll get over it soon, hopefully." You glanced up at him to see how he took it. His face was calm and concerned. "It's not a big deal, really." You reassured. "It's fine. I'll be alright. I'm used to it." You looked back at your still shaking hands.

"Hey, heyy," Peter reach out, lightly touching your elbow. You started slightly and he paused. "Look," he said. "I know how you feel."

"You do?" You looked up in surprise.

"Yeah, I do." He was smiling. "When I first got my, yknow, "powers", I started having panic attacks every day. I didn't know what the hell was happening to me, and my metabolism, heart rate, everything- through the roof." He made a pushing up motion with his thumbs. "Yeah, it was pretty freaky." He laughed again.

"Oh," you breathed. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." Peter made a little face. "Just- I know how it feels, and it sucks, yeah? And I'm sorry you're feeling that right now, but um," He ran a hand through his silver hair, making it flop back into his face, "I'm always here if I can help with anything. Anytime."

"Thanks." You could barely process what he was saying.

"I mean it." He looked serious. "And I know it doesn't feel like it, but it's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. I promise. How do you feel now?"

"I- I feel better, actually," you said, and realized suddenly that it was true. The knot inside you had almost completely loosened. You smiled shakily up at Peter.

He broke into a wide smile. "You're smiling."

You nodded.

"You have a, um, beautiful smile."

You laughed a little at that. You felt your chest and face get warm.

"Anything else I can, uh, do?" He asked. "You want me to take you for a run?"

You bit your lip. "Thanks a lot, Peter. For everything. But, um, I'm still a little anxious right now so. I think I'm gonna just, sit here. And try to relax a bit."

Peter nodded quickly. Very quickly. In fact, his head was almost a blur. "That's fine. That's great, yeah. Good idea. I hope you feel better soon." He grinned.

"Thanks," you smiled too.

With a sudden flash, Peter's arms were around you in a hug. Just as quickly, he stepped back and started to back away. "And hey!" He snapped his silver goggles over his eyes. "Anytime you want that run, just- let me know!" And suddenly he took off like a silver streak.

With a sigh, you slipped back down to sit on the edge of the pier again. Gazing at your reflection, you realized that there was a smile on your face, and your heart, while still racing, wasn't choking you anymore. His words echoed in your mind. "I'm going to be ok." You whispered to yourself. "I'm going to be ok."