Human Error

2

Scarlet 

 "Aren't you bored, go do something. You haven't done a single thing since we moved here." Mom pointed to my position on my bed surrounded by my laptop, pillows and my phone. 

"Mom we've been over this, people suck. I'm not willing to put my mentality in harms way to make 'friends.'" I huffed rolling onto my side, drained from the treatment last night. 

The truth was I wanted to go out and do things with friends, but for one I didn't have any and two I knew I would just make up an excuse to back out of the plans anyway. Like always. I'm a loner and there wasn't much to it. Beside I knew I couldn't do everything everything everyone else my age could do. I'm a crap friend, and even crappier of a person in general. It wasn't worth leaving the safe comfort my bed offered me. It was simple. 

"I uh heard your phone vibrating an awful lot last night, are people from New York texting you?" Mom asked her eyes lighting up with hope at the though of me making a lasting impression in our old community. 

"No um I met a girl my age at the hospital yesterday, her names' Joe. She asked me to hangout today, but I doubt I'll go." I muttered as I sunk back into my bed, knowing she was going to make me go. 

"Scarlet Elizabeth Ducati you will go whether you like it or not." Mom growled her patience with me obviously shot, I couldn't blame her. "No get your butt in that shower." 

"Mommmmm." I whined stomping my foot like a toddler, before huffing and turning toward the bathroom. 

  Truth is, I hated showering more than anything. I showered everyday but I tried to wash my hair as few times as possible. I had no clue long my hair would last for, I didn't want to pull it all out. But I knew today was the day I had to wash my hair no matter what, it had been a week since I'd washed my hair. Gross I know, but at least I washed my body everyday. I pulled my attention to the mirror and nearly threw up,  I didn't even recognize myself. My skin was pale as a sheet of paper, and my blue veins stood out like a spiderweb beneath the thin and fragile organ. There was a dark bruise of a handprint on the skin surrounding my sickly upper arm. My hair was thin and sparse, the once dark ringlets now brittle and sparse. My eyes and cheeks were hollowed into my skeletal structure, the only thing sticking out further than my bones was my port. The ugly contraption had gotten infected many a times and there for was surrounded by several scars. There was a 7 inch scar that went from between my collar bones to just below my sternum. I was a ghost. A shell of a human. I looked awful, broken, and ghastly. 

"I-I-" I started but wasn't able to say a thing as I stared at the dying girl before me, she looked sad and hollow. 

  Ignoring my pain I decided to go toward my anxiety, and stepped into the hot stream of the shower. The hot water did nothing to relax my barely there muscles as I was engulfed into the pelting liquid. My hands shook as I saw several strands of hair falling down my body in the river paths the water droplets had left. I knew this was it, I didn't have enough hair to make it through the shower. My weak heart started to beat rapidly, the blood rushing through my ears. My ears thrummed and my vision blurred as water entered my eyes. Shakily bringing my hands toward my body wash I held of the painful future for as long as possible. I washed my body slowly savoring the feel of the lufa against my thin skin, before I knew it was time to do what I had been dreading. 

"I can do this." I whispered to myself trying my hardest to keep my composure, when on the inside I was screaming and crying. I loved my hair, I miss the tight ringlets that flowed down to my lower back. I missed feeling beautiful, and womanly. 

 My small arms flexed tiredly with effort as I brought my hand above my head to wash what was left of my hair. I screamed in the back of my throat and threw up on the front of myself as I felt the hair move along with my hands. I lost my stability and slowly curled into a ball under the stream, bringing my hands in front of me. My hands were covered in dark ringlets, I was afraid to see how much hair I had on the other half of my head. My nose burned from throwing up, and my head started to slowly sway. Against my better judgment I brought my hands up and finished pulling out the rest of my hair, I was bald. I could feel it. Tears mixed with the water going down my cheeks, as I shook silently in the bottom of the shower. I was broken.