The Adventures of Shaq and JonTron: Genital Jamboree

Jon's lust

This story starts like all JonTron movie reviews do, Jon Jafari sitting on his couch and watching a movie... although this was no ordinary review, this was a review of the best movie of all time, Shaqnado 3. He was singing praise, thanking the lord, Big Papa Shaq himself, for his creation. "Thank you thine divine being for which I owe my gradtitude, life, and soul!" Jon had exclaimed while jacking his little weewee. It was then that Shaq had appeared in his Pad, "It is true! Thine divine being does exist!". Jon had yelled, Shaq then pulled something out of his back pocket and presented it to Jon. The item that the basketball star had shown to Mr. Jafari was none other than Gold Bond®, Shaq then rips the container in half and exclaims, "I NURTURE MY SKIN!". Shaq had put all of the Gold Bond® on his big weewee and it had grown two times larger. The Shaq-meister has lubed up and is now ready to stick his massive schlong in Jon's tiny boy-pussy. Shaq and Jon have violent, angry sex all night and each orgasm had brought Jon and Big Papa Shaq closer and closer to climax. It was then that everything had stopped and the hot-steamy love between Jon and Shaq had just not felt right... something is just off about all of their surroundings... there was something wrong with Jacques. Jacques was convolsing in his bird-cage while All Star by Smash Mouth is blarring on a speaker that Jon had placed right next to Jacques so he can play his Booty-Jams. Jon was trying everything he could do to revive the little boy and get him to a pet-hospital, but a life-changing experience would make him the happiest little boy for the rest of his life... Out of Jacques' body, a large, voluptuous, green, onion like figure had appeared. Once the song hit the part in the song in which Steve Harwell (the lead vocals for Smash Mouth for those uneducated fucks out there) sings "Only shooting stars break the mold!" it is then that Shrek himself has appeared in the living flesh. JonTron had immeadiatley gone down on him because he had always known ever since April 22, 2001... Shrek is love, Shrek is life... it was then that Shaq had walked into the room. "Wha- what are those things on your chest Shaq-Kun?", Jon had said ,"...Tiddies", Big Papa Shaq had replied, "Somehow the Gold Bond® had seeped into my chest and made my breasts enlarge...". Jon had dragged Shrek with him over to Shaq; Shrek immediatley got horny at the sight of Shaq's big-ol' bazongas. Jon and Shrek had come over to Shaq to explode their white pee on his bouncing boobies, but Shrek had other plans, he had whipped out a wedding ring that he had stolen from Lord Frickwad when he had tried to marry Fiona and he had asked if Big Papa Shaq and his tiddies would be his forever and he will pleasure both of them for the rest of time. However, Shaq was too infactuated with Jon and his tight pussy, so he had declined Shrek's offer. It was a shame that right when Shrek had spilled his thick, fat load all over Big Papa Shaq's Big Mama Rack™, Shaq had declined. Shrek immediatley had fallen into a deep deppression and had commited suicide by shoving his massive cock in his own mouth and cumming into it with such great force that he had choked to death on his own seed. Jon and Shaq had tried to grab a shovel but there was none in sight. It was then that Jon had gotten a noise complaint from his neighbor in the apartment directly under him. His Landlord, John Cena, had gone to check out what was happening in his appartment when he then saw Jon in his Birthday Suit. John wanted to fuck Jon so hard after recieving a boner from seeing Jon's phat ass and hearing about Jon's tight boy pussy. John Cena had walked in to see Shaq and his large tiddies and Shrek's dead corpse with his dick still in his mouth. John Cena had gotten even harder and he had trouble conceiling his massive boner even more, so he ripped his pants off with a swift and loud *riiiippp*. Mr. Cena had then RKO'd the shit out of Shaq and his perfect and bouncy tiddies. John Cena had performed an RKO so hard that he had shattered Jon Jafari's floor and he had to call a repairman. After Jon had called the repairman, he had ran over in an instant, literally. That was because it was Sonic The Hedgehog, the speediest rodent in all of New York City. When Sonic had walked into Jon's appartment, he had seen John Cena and Big Papa Shaq naked-wrestling. With their massive cocks flopping around so gracefully and beautifully, he had busted a nut immediatly. "Heh, I guess running isn't the only thing I'm fast at...", Sonic said ashamed. Sonic then fixed the floor in a hurry to avoid the awkward situation and leave. After Sonic had left, Jon had recieved a knock at his door. Thinking it was Sonic again trying to get in another quick nut, he didn't open the door. Little did JonTron know, it wasn't. When Mr. Jafari had turned his back on the door and walked away to go back to the room with Shaq and John Cena naked-wrestling on top of Shrek's dead body, the door was busted down with a loud *thud*. "WHAT THE HELL, YOU PREMATUR-" and then he paused, these two large figures walk in to his apartment. The first man walks into the kitchen, and the other walks to the room where Shaq and John Cena are now having violent sex, spilling their white pee in each other's mouths. The large man yells, "HULKAMANIA GOES DOWN ON YOU, BROTHER!!!", Hulk Hogan had entered the ring. John Cena yelled in response, "Hogan-Kun, MY WORST ENEMY!", The next man had appeared in the room with them holding a Slim-Jim and yelling, "SNAP INTO A SLIM-JIM!", it was then known that Macho Man Randy Savage had made his appearence known. They Whipped out their massive, meaty Slim-Jims and proceeded to beat them all over the competition, it was a Tag-Team wrestling match: John Cena & Big Papa Shaq vs. Hulk Hogan & Macho Man Randy Savage, JonTron was the referee. They each wrestled each other until the other peed out all of their white pee; slapping their dicks together so fast and with great force, they had been trying make each other try to n u t quicker than themselves. However, when everyone was about to nut, there was a massive earthquake that everyone from New York City to Detroit can feel had occured; evreyone knew who was causing the tremor to happen and it felt as if was coming closer to them. It was at just then they heard in the front of Jon's sweet pad a loud crack and then a loud thud. Everyone had their dicks in their hands, rubbing as they went to go investigate the noise, they see a blob trying to fit through the cracks of the remains fo Jon's front walls. When the blob had finally broken through the wall, their worst fears had been realized. The only thing they could hear was the loud mating call of the beast, "HI EVERYONE, IT'S JOEY, FROM JOEY'S SUPER COOL FOOD REVEWS IIIIII'M BAAYCK!!!", His phat cock swinging everywhere and slapping everyone's face. "He must've tracked the scent of my Slim-Jims...", Macho Man Randy Savage had said. Joey began to review the Grand Mac™ from McDonalds, he had put the sandwich in his mouth with such grace and ellegance that he had began to orgasm with each bite and chew. Joey had finished the sandwich in a record 4 seconds, with the finishing of his sandwich, he had busted the fattest nut imaginable. The white pee had covered everyone and he had then lied dormant, as he stopped rampaging, two things popped out of the rolls of the food reviewer. They were not human, but they had a human figure. It was Mayor McCheese and Grimace, they had gifted Macho Man Randy Savage with the Shrekchuan sauce™. "This should bring back your friend from the dead and it should be higher quality lubricant than that Gold Bond®", said Mayor McCheese. Mayor McCheese and Grimace then ascended to the Heavens to live there for all eternity. They continue their roughhousing with their genitals and their newfound Shrekchuan sauce. The room was filled with sexual tension all night, the entire room was eating each other out and peeing their white pee everywhere. Jon had poured Flex Seal Liquid® into Shaq's holes so he can feel pleasure beyond his wildest dreams, Macho Man Randy Savage had shoved fifteen Slim-Jims down Hulk Hogan's colon and into his prostate. While the wild barbecue-scented sex had ensued, Joey Hernandez had been eating green beans (his comfort food) and masturbating his big schlong, trying to reach further to climaxation and spraying his viscus white pee on everyone. It was at that then, a retarted puppet had walked into Jon's appartment, he had heard the rotten stench of the foul vegetable that Joey had been eating and he wanted to destroy the nasty food. "I HATE GREEN BEANS!", the retard had exclaimed, evryone knew who it was... Jeffy... Joey had intent of shutting the puppet up by sitting on him, but to no avail. His helmet had protected him from Mr. Hernandez's attacks. Joey had then said, "If you lay down the sickest rap this city has evr heard, I will stop eating these green beans.", Jeffy knew he wanted to stop the man from eating green beans and he would do whatever it takes but, he had been retired, and he couldn't go back to his old dangerous life of rapping. Facing this moral dilema was great but, he knew... he knew what he had to do. Furiously slapping his diaper, he agreed, "CALL ME J-Fee", Jeffy had requested to be called by his rapper persona. He had started out with a beat playing on Jacques' speaker and then started rapping "Hey daddy, I smack these hos. I Stuck my peepee in some Cheerios. I got a pencil in my nose and I beat my diaper everywhere I go." J-Fee had continued rapping, "I like to hop hop like a bunny. Pooped my pants and now it's runny. I go *mentally challenged noise* *mentally challenged noise*, you think that's funny? I stuff my diaper with all my money!" while J-Fee was rapping, everyone was enjoying it so much that they wouldn't stop jerking off hard. Somehow, J-Fee's dad, Mario, had walked in to this mess. For some reason, he began to be part of J-Fee's song. "Jeffy!", Mario had began ,"WHY? WHY?", J-Fee had responded, "Jeffy don't do that!" Mario had responded, "WHY? WHY?", J-Fee asked again, "Jeffy eat your green beans!", Mario had responded, "WHY? WHY?", J-Fee had asked for the third time, "Jeffy don't poop your pants!", Mario said, "WHY? WHY?", J-Fee had asked for the final time. "CAT PIANO SOLO!", J-Fee had yelled as he literally pulled a Cat Piano out of his ass. As J-Fee hit each note of his keyboard everyone had peed more and more white pee with each "MEOW!" bringing them closer to climax. Mario had then ended his solo with a firm "AWWWW JEFFY STOP IT!" J-Fee then responded with a clever, "Why." J-Fee continued to rap, "Got a helmet on top of my head. Spank my peepee until it was red. Eat green beans? I'd rather be dead. It ten o'clock and I'm ready for bed!" J-Fee had finished the rap with, "Hey daddy, I just showed you how to poop on the track, so uh... I'm going to bed! Yeah, I got my carrots on, I got my bunny suit on, I'm ready for bed!" Joey was so moved that he threw away the green beans in an instant. Everyone had just kept on peeing their sticky viscus white pee all over J-Fee. During the whole ordeal, Jon had forgotten that he had called plumbers to help him after he had destroyed his toilet, literally. He had taken a hammer and destroyed his toilet because of his horrible anger issues. To his suprise, Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells dressed as Mario and Luigi had shown up with nothing but a phalic-looking stone. "Hey Mario, look what I made!", Mr. Wells had said, "It's a stone Luigi, you didn't make it!", Lou Albano had responded. Danny Wells shook his head and then stated, "It's a dildo, I chiseled it!", Mr. Albano then said, "Well, what are you waiting for? Shove it up my ass!", Wells then responded, "It's even official size..." He put it inside of Albano's ass but he then fell directly on the ground. Danny Wells then finished his sentence with, "...But not official weight!" While Lou Albano was on the ground, everyone surrounded him and then took turns raping him. The stone had made Albano pass out, allowing everyone to nonconsentually have sex with him. Jon had began to shove his tiny weewee and boy pussy in his face until he had fucked it so hard that he couldn't take anymore of the loud, wall-banging sex that he had endured that night so with all of the passion he was able to muster, he peed all over his face and his chest. With the last bits of Jon's thick white pee all over Lou Albano's face, he fell over and felt the most pleasure he had felt in his short miserable life (yes even more than when he had watched Shaqnado 3). Shaq had then grabbed ahold of Albano's asshole and fucked it with such grace that his large tiddies had been flying everywhere; he felt an amazing sensation inside of him, he was finishing the last droplets of his white pee. Little did he know, he was also lactating... apparently, he didn't know that Big Papa Shaq's Big Mama Rack™ was fully functional. His very large boobies had then sprayed milk everywhere, making everyone n u t all over Lou Albano. The three wrestlers: John Cena, Hulk Hogan, and Macho Man Randy Savage had gone up to Captain Lou Albano and fucked his body simultaneously. Everyone was yelling over each other, they were all in an imaginary wrestling match. "HULKAMANIA GOES DOWN ON YOU, BROTHER!", Hulk Hogan exclaimed, "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" John Cena responded with excitment in his voice, "SNAP INTO A SLIM-JIM!" Macho Man Randy Savage had furiously exclaimed while taking a bit out of a Slim-Jim. They all furiously peed their milky pee all over Captain Lou Albano at the same time, they couldn't take it anymore, they nutted for the last time... they had finished... Suddenely they all heard angelic hyms loudly playing. "someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!...", it was then that everyone had seen Shrek walk out of the room. "SHREK-KUN, YOU'RE ALIVE!" Jon had yelled excitedly. "Yes, it was all thanks to that Shrekchuan™ sauce that your cheese friend had given you." Shrek had responded. Shrek then placed his large, sausage like penis in the palm of Albano's hand, he then forced all that was left of his white pee out. After seeing the resurrection of Shrek and his forcing of his white pee out, Joey Hernandez also peed all over Captain Lou Albano. Everyone had become tuckered out after finishing the last of their white pee; and with that, the story of how Jon became the luckiest boy in the world after reviewing the best movie of all time.

*Sonic Says intro*

"Kids, there is nothing more cool than being hugged by someone you like, but if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good! It's your body, no one has the right to touch you if you don't want them to. So, what do you do? First, you say no! Then, you get out of there! Most important, you gotta tell someone you trust like: your parents, your teacher, a police officer!"