stepping forward

Part 1

I jolt awake, covered in sweat. The same nightmare plays over and over again, inside my head. I check the alarm clock, 3:42 A.M. I should get some water, but my bed is too warm to leave. Woman up Brooke, I tell myself, but I am just too lazy to get out of bed, so I just close my eyes and drift off to Neverland. I feel cold and vulnerable, which isn't a new feeling. It feels like a few minutes have gone by, but the annoying *beep, beep* wakes me up. I remove the sheets and sit up, I stare at the nub that was once where my left leg was at. I remember what I dreamt about. The accident that happened, that made me helpless, that broke me.

I hobble out of bed and grab the wheel chair that was across the room, because that's just how I roll. I wheel myself into the kitchen and eat the bowl of cereal that Mom has set out for me.

I continued getting ready for school until it was time to go. I rolled into my bedroom and placed my prosthetic leg on the nub. Slowly, very slowly, I made my way to the car. When I reach the car I stop. My pulse is beating frantically in my chest, I go into complete Deja Vu. The incident plays on repeat inside my head, until my mom makes me snap out of it. When I enter the car, I shake. When we drive, I shake. I try not to think about too much, but I can't help it. What happened to me, it changed my life, no, not changed. Ruined.

Finally, we reach the campus. I get out and make my way to the school.

I don't pay attention to Mr. Williams' lesson, I just stare at him blankly. Stuck in deep thinking. "Brooke"

"Brooke!" I snap out of my train of thought.

"Hmmm?" Everyone giggles, and I turn red.

"Solve the problem," replied Mr. Williams. I stare at the problem on the board. Simplify the expression: 5x-9x. "Right, uhh... first you turn it into an addition problem. So it would be 5x+(-9x), which equals -4x."

"Correct" said Mr. Williams. Math went on, and it felt like an unusually short period. Usually it feels short because it is one of the only periods that is easy for me, that and English.

Next was Social Studies, the longest period of the day. We just took notes the whole period, nothing new. But, there was something new, yes, there was. I was happy, actually happy. A feeling that I haven't felt in a while, and I have no idea why I felt so happy, but I did. Being bipolar I have no control over my emotions, but I have been feeling more depressed than happy. Maybe I was just excited for my favorite period. Which is Ms. Harman's period, English. The bell rang and we were dismissed. I walked to my locker and stumbled a little, I must look like a drunk man walking on a tight rope. I grabbed my books from my bottom locker. I made my way to English, I passed a few friends, who smiled at me, but for some reason I don't smile back.

I reached Ms. Harman's class right on time. She went right into the lesson, which was what can cause a sudden change in someone's life, which I found very ironic. She managed to tell a funny story about it, which I find is very cool. She can turn almost anything into a funny story.

The period ended too soon. I went to Tech next with Ms. Ball. We did typing for ten minutes, then she gave us free choice for the rest of the period. I didn't feel like playing video games all period, so I read.

I read a book about a different America. They had a civil war but that was a few years before the setting of the book. In this new world, at the age of thirteen to the age of eighteen, a parent can send their child to be 'unwound'. Which pretty much means that children will be sent to camps that take them apart and "reuse" the body parts. Pretty dark book, but I find it interesting. The bell rang once more, signaling for lunch.

I went downstairs to the usual spot. There I met up with T'aki, Salinana, Megan, Astray, and Ciera.(Sorry if I misspelt their names.) We talked for a little bit, my prosthetic leg was bothering me a little, but I ignored the pain. I felt sad again, depressed. The bell rang again and I sulked to my locker, grabbed my Science books and walked to the locker room.

I dressed out faster than the other girls and walked around the asphalt basketball courts. No one talked to me, it has been that way for a while. I think they're afraid, but I don't know why. Soon I start to realize how lonely I am. My train of thought is once again interrupted when Ms. Sturges walks out of her office. Like a cat with a laser pointer, we all scramble to get to our assigned numbers. "Okay, listen up. 50 jumping jacks, two laps, two sets of 25 sit ups, two sets of fifteen jump squats... Morrison get your hand down, you know your limit, if you have to sit out, sit out." She continued explaining our exercise.

I slowly jog, I used to be the fastest girl in the class, and in the top three leading. Now, I'm going so slow, even the slowest kid can run laps around me. I decide to go faster, pumping my arms like I used to. The lead was just passing me, (because he already ran his first lap,) when that piece of junk for a leg gave out under me. I collapse to the ground, too weak to get up. They laugh, no one bothers to help me up. I just want to cry, I don't belong here at this school, I don't belong here on this on this earth. A single tear escapes me. Soon my vision went cloudy, and I couldn't see. Then I couldn't breathe, I was having an anxiety attack.