I don't know if I'm numb or it's a constant pain that I got used to it. But it hurts... a lot... And the only way I know to make it stop it's the wrong way.
Pride hurts and it also brings a lot of other pains.
It's ridiculous 'cuz now I don't know what's the purpouse of pride, but I know that I'd sell my fuckin' soul to the devil just to keep my pride still with me.
And everyone thinks I'm fine but I'm not. If only somebody could understand how I really feel, but than why do I keep pretending that I'm fine?
Every fuckin' one expects so much from me and puts so much preasure suffocating me, drowning me. I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind... if I haven't lost it yet. No... my mind is still here, but I've lost something else, my self. I don't know where to find her. But I made this choice. i choosed to be like this and I like it. I like the fact that I coused pain to myself. This is insane but I still like this too.
I feel worthless and unwanted, but I try and fight for the people that love me and care for me. I pat my self for everything and at the same time I slap my self for everything.
I envy people I'd give everything just not to be like them.
I prefer quiet dark places , but yearn for loud noises and blinding lights. I always go to the opposite direction, but I still follow them.
Always trying the right and all I do is left, but for me left is right sometimes or... always maybe... or... surely. I'm such a mess, a perfect regular mess and I hate it, but I love it...
