the show must go on.

three: pitiful.

i saw all over the media that you didn't get nominated for any awards and i did feel quite bad, but when i scrolled down, i seen a post of you, leaving the bar with yet another woman. i wasn't upset, i was used to it. you cheating only showed me that i didn't mean anything to you when you mean so much to me that i came to check on you the next day only to be told to leave because you wanted to drown your problems in alcohol like usual.

the night i got a call from the police department, i knew it was you. i knew you were gonna break at some point and do the obvious: rob a store. when you asked me to come bail you out, i thought about it, thinking of saying no, but if it was ever me to go to jail, i would want you to bail me out. i arrived when the police were unlocking your cell and you came, running to me. you placed your lips on mine, thanking me. once again, your lips tasted of alcohol.

i always read things that had to do with the bottled truth. people say that alcohol is a strong liquid that lets out all the truths, but i waited and waited for you to give me your bottled truth. you stay saying that you love me, but you don't show me. how can i trust you when you lie, cheat, and now, steal?

i didn't want my daughter around you because i didn't want her to be like you. my baby girl has grown up and not once do i think about letting you back into her life. you were in her life, but you took yourself out.

one day, you came to my apartment with groceries and clothes for noelle. you gave me a necklace that has your name on it. you explained it to me as i was yours and you were mine. you promised me that you would go to rehab and take care of noelle and if you did, i would have to move back into your house. i was quite surprised by the big promise, but you did your part now, i had to do mine.

moving back was a little uneasy, but we did it. my parents didn't want me around you anymore, but if i could show them that you were gonna be faithful and respectful to us, they would understand my love for you. you cooked for me every night, cleaned for me, and bought clothes and makeup for me. you made me feel beautiful, finally.

the media took it as you got your life back and i loved it. you stayed this was for a good year until we had our second daughter, leslie. i guess two babies was too much for you because one night, i caught you drowning your sorrows in none other but the strong liquid.

this was our third year of marriage, our first daughter was two and our second was just a month old, and i would be turning twenty-three soon. the divorce papers were sitting in my desk, but i didn't want to give up on us even when you already did. i was the glue that was holding this family together. you were the pair of scissors that just wanted this family to be cut apart.

the night that you finally abused me made me think. if you did love me, you wouldn't even think of laying a finger on me. i was scared because i was slowly becoming weak and if you laid a hand on my daughters, you would never see a daylight in your life ever again. i made the effort to have my sister come pick us up the next morning when you left for a meeting. i was weak and ugly while you looked so pretty. how? you were the one who was killing them self slowly.

my sister healed me and helped me when i needed help the most. noelle was finally in school while leslie stayed behind with me. my life was perfectly fine without you in it, but somehow, just somehow, you came back into, but you left a mark for the second time. you shot my sister because she wouldn't let me be with you. no one knew because you had done it in a abandoned spot. i didn't wanna be with you. then, you wouldn't let me go to her funeral so, i didn't even get to say goodbye to my sister.

i was reaching to my breaking point, but the media was growing around our relationship and the slightest little thing wouldn't go unnoticed. a cameraman for some social media website was always around our house. noelle couldn't even go to school without a camerman approaching her so, i decided to just have her homeschooled for the better.

you didn't even notice, but i was making sure that you were paying for her lessons. this didn't have a great affect in your money since you were a millionaire, but i didn't care about your money. i wanted the jennie that i met. you changed dramatically over the years or were you just realizing the everyday struggles of being a music artist, a mother, and a wife?

well, i was a mother, a wife, and a model. people believed that i was so beautiful when we first married, but when you started abusing me, they only covered up my scars that would tell the world the whole truth about me and you. you drink and drink and take your pain out on me every night because i'm just there. well, whenever i move away, you still come after me.

when i would cry because of you, you told me to be quiet or you would hurt me some more. i cried silently and today, i learned how to cry silently thanks to you, but i shouldn't have.

you can kill a bottle of alcohol in one minute, you can made me cry in an instant, you can lie to our daughters without regret or hesitation in an instant, and you can kill and make my family suffer just like that.

pitiful.