No words can describe how lonely I really feel. No number can count how many times I've been let down. No one can see how destroyed I really am. Can you really say you know me? Can you really say you know anyone? No. You know yourself and that's it. I walk the hallways of my school with a bitch face when I have no one beside me. I walk the hallways of my school with a smile on my face when there is someone beside me. So truly no one really knows which one of the two is the real me.
I lay in bed every night just crying about the things that I have caused. All which have been my fault. I want to get away and leave this miserable world. Will someone ever like me? The real me?
I've tried to be nice to people but they end up always fucking me over, so I prefer to be a bitch. Never show my true colors or how fragile I really am. One side of the family completely hates me and always find a way to make me feel like shit. I'm so miserable! It sucks! I remember the first time I noticed that they were a piece of shit....
I was a 7th grader at the moment and always went over my cousins house after school, it was two cousins. Patty lived right in front of Kevin, both 12 at the moment. Patty's mom would take them to Subway occasionally, but since my bus dropped me off later than them she would always take them and forget about me. That I was okay with because I know she is not obligated to take me or to buy me any Subway, but one day I came from school starving because I had skipped breakfast and lunch. I had asked Patty for a cookie, which she had two, but she didn't want to give me the cookie to eat and stuffed it in her mouth in one whole bite and I got pissed and yelled and even cussed at her. May I remind you that she had a 6-in Subway bread with chips, two cookies and a drink! I thought she wouldn't be so much of a fat ass to at least give me a bite of the cookie! Kevin already ate all of his Subway so I couldn't have asked him even if I wanted to, but Patty. Patty had the chips and one cookie left. They always left me behind in everything! The movies! Dinner! Parties! I was sick and tired of not being treated as one of them! I snapped and went ballistics on her! She ran out the door crying! She left me with nothing! She knew how little I eat and how I never really eat in school. I was so mad and sad, mostly because this was the 2nd time I ask her for food when I was starving and she wouldn't give it.
Because of that my mom got in a fight with that part of the family and she was suffering for a couple months worried about me. I felt as if it was me, that caused all this drama for nothing. My mom tells me that it was good that I finally took a stand but if I had kept my mouth shut maybe my mom wouldn't be going through more than what she already has. I love you mom so much! I'm sorry I do everything wrong! I'm sorry I put you through so much! Love you.
Did I do the right thing? Was it all my fault?
