Observance

Do You Even Understand?

{MAY HAVE TRIGGERS}

You don't, do you?

You can't comprehend what it feels like to be afraid to go home. It's not even your home, it's a meaningless place full of meaningless people that constantly hurt you. Its a place you dread to go to every night, and you would rather not go through the pain today (or ever), but you have to, why? Because it's your "family" and your "home."

The supposed to care about you. But you know that they don't. Not after how many times they have hurt you. Turn on the camera at every panic attack their around for, or laugh when your in paint, mentally abuse you. Fat shame you and say rude things to you, then turn around and prentend like nothing.         Even.         Happened.

They make you feel useless and not worth living for. Why? Why not.

They are your family, they know you best. They know when your weak points and what makes you mad or angry. They know how to tare you down, piece by piece, just for their own pleasure. They laugh at you and make fun of you, making you push that blade farther and farther into your skin until you feel numb and the blood is rushing out. Do you feel it yet? Try pressing harder.

You know it'll leave scares, maybe that's why you do it. Maybe somebody will notice and get you help, give you a friend. Because your all alone.

Worthless and unknown.

You want to die, but don't, that's why.

Do you understand now? Probably not.

You're too busy trying to live up to sociteties expectations, to busy trying to please others. You'd die trying. You loose yourself. Your whole body feels numb. Can you even feel the blood pumping in you anymore? They hurt you. Whatever they said they couldn't take back. They knew it too.

That's why they said it, they want you to suffer, wanted you to feel pain. Fools on them. By now your emotionless. They beat on you everyday, even started calling you emo, new tactics to try to kill you. Stupid for being emo. Why? Cause that's so 2009. They tell you a popular celebraty that's emo wants their style/clothes back. They tell you that you're going to show up on "my 600 pound life," because you're so lazy and such a couch potato.

All for shits and giggles. Truth is.
Your already dead inside.
And secretly,
You've tried to end your life on many occasions.

It never worked though.
So you live with the pain.
Until it works.