Désinvolture. || Part 3/3

Désinvolture.

The first time Yongguk saw Junhong, he found him frankly ugly. With those two big eyes and a short stature, Junhong had everything to be confused as a girl. His clothes all fit much too big for him and even his walk was awkward. But something about Junhong captured Yongguk'sattention. Until he was told he would have to debut alongside this bumbling 15-year-old. The group could never work when one of their members presented absolutely no appeal. The basis of an idol group was that the members were pretty. And pretty was certainly not an adjective that could describe Junhong.

  Are you listening?  

Yongguk grew very fond of him with a bit of time. As they debuted, Junhong was given fitting clothes, a haircut and even some make-up and Yongguk started seeing him more as an adorable child. He grew attached to the very innocence that Junhong's smile presented. And started showing that affection through little hugs every now and then and even the occasional peck on the top of the head.

  To my voice, to this confession for you?  

Junhong quickly grew desperate for the attention Yongguk showed him. He always made sure to hide this from the other members of course, but as soon as he was alone with Yongguk he would always run into his arms. Junhong quickly started noticing a change when he was with Yongguk. His heartbeat would become erratic and he would get butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't possibly like him, could he?

  Are you listening right now?  

He ended up asking Himchan, because Himchan seemed to know everything. "Hyung, how do you know if you like someone?" He had asked one evening while in the kitchen. "You just do, kiddo, you get the feeling in your gut, and you know." Junhong had walked away unsatisfied by the encounter. What did a feeling in your gut mean?Was it to be taken literally? In which case, his gut was doing was doing no such thing. He did, however, feel the butterflies and all the electric shocks when they touched. That's what all the books and movies described so the only logical explanation was that Junhongliked Yongguk. All he needed was a grand way to know if the feeling was reciprocated.

  Can you hear my heart?  

That grand way came in the form of a soju bottle. The group had gotten two days off from their company about a month after their debut to go visit their families. Junhong's parents were away in France on a holiday and Yongguk didn't speak to his family anymore so they ended up alone in the dorms. Yongguk had opened up a bottle of soju around7:00 P.M and had offered some to the teenager. "I was younger than you when I started drinking, would you like some beer or something?Soju's probably a bit strong for you." To which Junhong replied by downing half the soju bottle. He let the bottle leave his lips with a resounding pop before smirking. When he saw Yongguk's astonished face he leaned in about five inches away from it and whispered:"What? You think I've never had a drink before? Please." And he pulled his face back.

  Like the raindrops falling on the window, You enter my heart  

A couple bottles of alcohol and a whole bunch of talking later, both men were heavily inebriated. What happened next was something that would change both their lives forever. Neither of them could quite remember how it happened, but one minute they were talking, and the next, Junhong's lips were on Yongguk's. And they kissed and as if they were running out of time. They kissed like they needed it to survive. One thing led to the next and the next day, they woke up naked next to each other. "Let's do this again sometime.." had said Junhong as he got dressed and left to make breakfast. 

  I need you, I need you, I miss you  

Yongguk stayed in that bed for a while, trying to understand the cyclone of emotions running through him. He saw Junhong as a little brother, so why did he feel like he needed him again? Why did Yongguk want Junhong so badly all of the sudden? It was so confusing. Junhong had kissed him first, he was sure of that, did that mean Junhong had feelings for him? It was all too confusing and Yongguk didn't want to think about it, but all he knew is that he had a gut feeling that he should never do it again. For an unknown reason, he felt that he should never fall in love with Junhong. If it was the last thing he did.