Table for One

Approaching the Beast...both (2)

It was sort of getting creepy the way they were all watching me eat my breakfast with hopeful expressions that my mood would just magically improve or something.

I ate silently, keeping my head down, facing the plate of food rather then all six eyes that were trained on me.

"Lennie?! You came out! Why didn't you wake me?!" I hear Max's voice say while he thumps down the stairs, and he reaches me, and wraps his arms around me. I hear soft laughter fill the room, with all of it coming from my parents and grandmother.

I feel Max squeeze a bit harder, and then he lets go, and take a piece of bacon off my plate.

"So what were you guys talking about, ya know, without me?" Max says while pulling out a stool from underneath the island we have in the kitchen.

"Well, Lennon is going to be going on her...honeymoon." Mum says in a hushed voice, while looking down into her hands but not having the strengh to keep them from shaking.

I feel my composure break a little with hearing that word yet again. A word that once mean't bliss for me and him. Now, all I could picutre was the heart break, and yellow, puke coloured walls in our bedroom. I suddenly feel the urge to puke, but I keep myself from puking. I look up and see the entire table had tensed. Max had a grim look on his face with his jaw tensed, essentially mimicking dad's posture and facial expressions. Mum was leaning on Max since he was sitting right behind her on his stool, and she had her eyes closed and I could see tears leak from her face.

My grandma just looked lost in thought, staring off into the distance behind me.

I had to go on this trip. Definatley. I hated seeing my family like this, suffering the pain only I was supposed to go through. If I went away, they wouldn't be suffering as bad as they are now. I remembered something really crucial to me going.

I needed to pack. How the heck was I going to pack when the only clothes I had were the clothes I was wearing for these 2 nights I had been staying here? I couldn't go on a month long trip with only 2 days worth of clothes...well, if it mean't not seeing him again, then sure, I'd even wear the same underwear everyday. But I couldn't.

Just thinking of seeing his face again made my stomach turn, and I felt the puke rising again. This time I push away my plate, which was still full of food away from me, and the loud scrape of the plate against the table seemed to have shaken everyone back to their senses, but before they could come and help me or even ask if I was okay, I was already running to the bathroom trying hard to keep the puke in a little longer.

I got to the sink, and it came out, I heard chairs scraping against the white tiled floor, and I felt my mum's reassuring patting on my back. She was holding my hair so that it couldn't get more messed up than it already was.

I finally looked up, after cleaning my face, and I saw the dark circles underneath my eyes, and the pasty, creepy, and pale complexion of my skin. It seemed like the skin of a vampire.

I turn around to face mum, and I see her smiling at me trying to comfort me. I wrap my arms around her tiny body, and I put my head in between the crook of her neck. I feel a sense of relief and comfort emanating from the hug. I feel her pat soothingly on my back.

"Mommy, I don't want to go to that house alone." I say crying into her shoulder. .

"Honey, don't worry, Max will go with you okay? I know you don't want to face him right now, but you, my little bumble bee, are a strong girl. And remember, all you are doing is acting like a mature adult, and collecting your clothes, and stuff that you want to keep with you, and then leaving. Max will be there regardless, but just for you to remember, no one's forcing you to live there again. Just collect your stuff, and come back home to me." I pull away from our hug, and I smile at her. The smile still not fully reaching my eyes, and a feeling of fakeness filled the smile, but my mom understood.