Reflections (Troyler AU)

4- Keep Trying

15 years

Troye was still there.

Every morning i would wake with high hopes, wishing for the impossible. My eyes fluttering open on a wave of excitement before reality crushed it softly. Its not like i was a kid, fully believing that all my problems would disapear overnight... its just nice to hold onto hope when everything else seemes to be slipping out from your grip. In my dreams it happened, in my dreams we could touch and share and laugh freely without each breath weighed down with a tightness in our chests. If only reality were as kind.

Another year passed and i seemed to only grow more hollow. Learning to repress my depression for life more within myself, pushing it to a corner of my lungs i could only breathe through when i felt we both needed air.

The dark weight in the oxygen around him was getting to me. I could feel an aura of dark feeling seeping through the other side of the mirror with its fingers coiling into my core, grabbing at my soul and twisting harshly. It was suffocating, whatever it was. We were both blind, blind to the world and still so young. We were too young to feel like this, to take charge of own lives, to feel the harsh intensity of the mirror, the mystery behind it and the pain it was inflicting. I couldnt live like this, for so long, so constantly. It was selfish, i knew it. But i needed to get out.
I needed an escape.

Not from my beautiful boy, the boy who i adored with everything i had. The boy who was, quite literally, my world. But from the sadistic feeling he was made to live around. It had started to hurt me, everytime i looked into his bright eyes i found myself feeling a stinging undertone of dark. I needed to be there for him just like he needed, in his own words, the 'light' i gave to him. But it was wearing me. I just needed a break. I had to try something new.

So, i started school.
It was a rundown building, close to our rundown house on our rundown street in our rundown suburb. It was the logical answer, to gain an education as well as the change i needed in my life. I had to get out and away and into the world and i tried to keep a positive attitude towards getting out of the house... But that meant leaving Troye.

He was so vunerable, even now that we were older. The years both seemed like eternities and seconds when i was with him, but every second was amazing. And with each year he seemed to grow more and more beautiful, inside and out as our bond kept growing stronger and stronger. We were practically the same person now and it was hard to imagine what would happen if we were ever seperated permanently. Leaving Troye felt against every moral i ever had- it was wrong. Troye was my other half, my completer, my everything....so why would i ever want to seperate from him, be away from my anchor in the world? I had to. As much as i would like to spend every living second in front of that mirror with the boy, i understood that i had to get out, for my own health at least.

So. School.
The fee was payed for by my uncle with unwilling hands. The fact that he was still a human being with morals made him give up a small amount his filthy money he earnt from god knows what to contribute to my education. I hated taking it as much as he hated giving it- later, i decided, i would pay him back with my own clean money for all the costs of my childhood so we could leave without feeling like we owed anything. More than anything im sure my Uncle just used the little thought he had to realise if i had an education then i would be able to get a job, bring in the money to him while he sat there, a drunken swine. Little did he know that i would never let that happen.

When we were ready, we would run. We would run away from this place and leave the foul man, find happiness elsewhere with eachother. It was hard to imagine we would ever need any more than just that, just eachother. Times like this i would forget the obvious problems with our plans and the flaws focusing mostly on Troyes state... But we pushed the thoughts away. Our plan was still blurry and undeveloped in our not fully matured minds, so for now we would just smile and hope.