just whatever

anonymity

Don't you just love being anonymous? I love it because I can say everything I want to say without having friends unfriend me.

I've had three accounts on here. The first one I managed to surpass 400 followers even while having no content. I guess I was likeable to some people though not to all people because I got so much hate from people I didn't know. I got involved in a rape scandal, I was racist, I spread hate and I posted a lot of mean shit. I'm not surprised I really only had one friend. And my girlfriend broke up with me because she didn't trust me and I said I'd find her cousin who lived in my area. I admit now that it was a little creepy.

I said I'd terminate that account, I never ended up doing that. Instead, I kept stirring the pot. I had an argument with someone simply because they thought a tomato was a fruit and then it got worse, I argued about demisexuality, I also had an argument with someone that took over four weeks. I said that it was okay for people to view the V-Day video and to make it even worse I got involved with Larry Stylinson which was the worst thing I could have done at that point. Misunderstandings were unfortunately common.

I made a new account, similar to my old one and only followed 10 of my closest friends. It didn't last long because I was in a phase where I had no energy to even read. It's not deleted, that account, simply inactive. I didn't get into fights there but everyone knew it was my new account so I left permanently.

My new account was a quote from Idubbbz. You could probably guess what one if given his four famous phrases. That was where I was mentally destroyed. It was during the time Emma had broken up with me and when Larry Stylinson took over my life. (Still has) Many, many fights occurred, all of which I regret wholeheartedly.

When put in a bad place with a bad mind-set you can surely expect things to go wrong. Reality is blinded by the bad things and shit happens, dude. It didn't help that the only friend I had was someone who was not fit to talk to me. Her sister had killed herself and blamed it on her.

If you've ever been through a situation like that, you know how it feels. It feels fucking insane. Juggling her problems was essential to benefit her and I could not lose her too. But what could I really have done in that situation? She lived in America, I lived in New Zealand, could we have been further apart? I used to comfort her through the night, I'd stay up talking to her and pray for her, I'd pretend I was with her in her cupboard, holding her in my arms.

I know I'm a shitty person, but I can't believe I made the decision to delete that account and leave her.

🎵SOTD: "Far Too Young To Die" - Panic! at the Disco.

I'm a huge fan of Panic! It was the second major band obsession I've ever had, the first being Pentatonix. I've been a fan since 2016, I know that's not really a long time and many people have attacked me because of it "Fake fan" "You're only a fan because of Death Of A Bachelor." "You ruined the fandom." Kinda heard it all but I like what I like and being a later fan doesn't mean I'm not a valid fan. My favourite album is definitely TWTLTRTD but it's like most other band obsessions, I have many favourites from all of the albums and it's the longest obsession I've ever held. "Far Too Young To Die" is my favourite from the album and may I be hip for a second, it's a very "chill" song, one I don't get sick of and the vocals are 

just 

👌