narcotics | e.d

IV.

Bella Chavez

Over the course of the next few weeks, I began looking forward to the biweekly meeting with Mr. Ethan Dolan. Rather than the usual despise, a feeling of welcome would wash over me every time he shot me a smile. The beauty in it all was that I was never pressured to speak, leading me to WANT to contribute.

The irony was twisted, yet it only made sense.

My endless fascination with our "mentor" didn't diminish or wash away, as I had so wished it would. The fact that his view of me would never change provided me with both insecurity and shelter.

However, one fateful day would wipe all pre-designated thoughts entirely.

--

"Good evening everyone," Betsy's spit practically showered everyone so much that a need for a sign similar to Seaworld's "water zone" grew present. "Ethan emailed me and suggested we start group without him as a bonding experience! Word is he has some personal troubles."

I huffed, annoyance laced lucidly in my ill attempt to hide an eye roll.

Betsy giggled excitedly and sat next to her best friend, Anne, who was only a year or two older than myself.  Her mysterious demeanor had freaked me out since day one.

Going in a circle, everyone began sharing personal stories until it was eventually my turn.

Consequently, being only 17 meant I hadn't lived any excruciatingly wild experience for me to share or remember vividly.

"Um, well." silence. "When I was 7, I-"

And like an angel sent from above, Mr. Ethan Dolan pushed through the door, drawing everyone's attention from me.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I quizzically reverted my attention to him as well.

"So sorry guys, I got-" He stopped short, almost as if he wanted to prevent himself from spilling too much. "I got caught up."

"Well, come join us! Whatcha standing over there for!" Betsy giggled excitedly once more, earning a devilish eye roll from Anne.

Betsy was 47, laughing like a fourth grade at a boy more than half her age.

I shook my head in disapproval before diverting my attention to Mr. Dolan, who had settled himself in a chair directly across from me.

He softly smiled as he captured my stare.

OOO SHIT THE BUTTERflieS.

Shifting uncomfortably, he stood up and began his usual talk & conversation with those surrounding us.

The usual two hours passed quickly as they normally did, however Mr. Dolan had requested that I talk to him after the session.

Obliging to the request, I waited till everyone had cleared the room. Mr. Dolan doing the same, only he stood by the door to greet everyone goodbye.

Once his polite mission was accomplished, he closed the metal door and shuffled over to the circle of chairs, of which I stood center.

Approaching me, he ran his hand through his hair and chuckled awkwardly. I stood steadfast, but emotionless.

"What's up?" I questioned. It finally dawned on me that Ethan and I were completely alone.

The feeling allowed for an uneasy pit in my stomach to form.

"Look, Bella." He paused briefly, furrowing his strongly arched brows as he analyzed his wording. "I understand why you don't talk in group. I get it. I was just like you, you know, not feeling any sort of connection with the people around me."

Another short pause.

"But I don't see a benefit in you even coming to our sessions if you're not going to contribute. It's been 2 months and I feel like I know nothing about you."

I knew he was only stating the truth, but I couldn't help but think he was attacking me.

"What's your point?" I crossed my arms across my chest. "You think I enjoy being here?"

"I know you don't, but I also know you're required to be here."

I probably shitted out my heart from how far it dropped.

"Since you wouldn't tell me, I did my own research. Sorry if you're not comfortable with that, but it's my job-"

"As my mentor, I know!" I interrupted him crudely. "Look, buddy. You're only, what?! A year older than me?! Stop acting like you have all the power!"

He huffed exasperatedly, "Bella, i'm not arguing with you. I'm just trying to figure you out! Stop being so difficult!"

"Welp, what's the point if I'm just going to be 'so difficult'?!" I hurriedly gathered my things, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

He approached me rapidly, grabbing my upper arm gently. "Don't go yet. Please. I'm sorry. The only reason I asked to talk to you after session today is because I want to get to know you personally. One on one. Not in front of a group of people you can't relate too." His tone had immensely lowered, almost as if he was pleading. "Let's just make it easier for the both of us."

His face had gotten so close to mine as his words nearly compelled me to instantly agree. I broke away from his intimidating stare, looking down to cover the glossy layer of water forming upon my eyes.

I nodded slowly, agreeing.

"Fine." I returned my gaze to his slowly.

"Tuesday, at 4:30. You have my number, I'll text you the address."

I pulled my arm roughly out of his grip and pushed through the closed door, slamming it behind me in both anger and frustration.