Begin Again (Iwaoi AU)

Are You Okay?

The age old question. Am I okay? No, at this point I'm not at all okay.

My thoughts attack me when I eat.

Every...

Time...

It's torture. I can feel every ounce of fat on my body. Every little curve constantly being ridiculed and screamed at me inside my head. It feels as if, I take one more bite of food I mind as well die. It feels as if, I take one more bite of food the world will collapse. It feels as if, I take one more bite of food I'll instantaneously gain 100 lbs.

All of that isn't an overstatement and if you think it is...

I...

Envy...

You...

My parents are in a complete panic rushing me to the hospital. They finally have a bed for me; it took months. Within those months were the worst times I have ever experienced. My parents wouldn't let me not eat. We would just sit there until I got annoyed enough with them to eat. I was constantly in tears because of all the thoughts in my head. My entire body always in pain from the attempts to work all that food off.

All my packed things are sitting next to me in the backseat. I stare blankly at my pillow and think about today when I left school. I knew it was going to happen but I had to pretend everything was normal. I've gotten good at that. Leaving ended up being in the middle of volleyball practice and my coach said see you tomorrow. No you won't.

I snap to reality once we pull in to the parking garage of the hospital and my parents look back at me with sad expressions. I could tell both of them were holding back tears. "Okay... let's go..." My mom says quietly. All of us get out and walk into the hospital. I'm happy I'm getting the help I need. However, at the same time I don't want it. I'm fine. I can do this on my own.

"We're looking for Golisano's?" My mom says to bored-looking receptionist. The man points to the way we need to go and we walk side by side. As I try to distract myself from the forming anxiety attack and end up noticing how nice this place is. They have an automated piano, fancy chairs, a gift shop, a mini coffee place. This place isn't half bad.

Eventually my family and I make it to the receptionist for the Golisano branch of the hospital. They make passes for my parents and tell us to go to the 8th floor, south wing, and the nurses will know what to do. My parents start to walk ahead of me as my mind continues to panic. My entire world... will change after this... after this....

"Come on," my dad urges with a smile trying to lighten the mood. We get in the elevator and notice it's very colorful and bright. Also the voice that says the floors is the voice of a child. We got off and headed toward the south wing like we were told. We walk in and people look at us weird. As if we were in the wrong place.

"Oh seems we made a mistake. Time to go home," I start to turn around but my mom wraps her arm around me tight. I roll my eyes and notice a stranger staring at me. His stern brown eyes meet mine. He's obviously curious as to why I'm here. But for some reason... I think he can tell...

"We'll figure this out before that happens," my mom whispers to me. A nice short lady in hot pink scrubs comes up to us and asked us who we are. "This is Oikawa for the e-eating disorder p-program," she still stumbles with having the words "eating disorders" and "Oikawa" in the same sentence.

"Oh, good you're here!" She smiles at me and leads me to my room. Room 22. My home for the next few weeks.

She talks to my parents about the program and hands them a folder. I don't pay attention. Instead I look around my room. I have a beautiful view of the city with a couch right underneath the window. I could tell that's where I'm going to spend most of my time (I can just sit there and people watch). There's also a couple other chairs by the couch. Closer to the entrance there's a sink, glove boxes and just a bunch of counter space. There's only one extremely small closet that you can set your own lock on here too. I choose not to mess with that. Instead, I decide to take a look at my bathroom. I try the door but it doesn't budge. "Under the eating disorder program we nurses lock your bathroom. To get in you need to hit the nurse button and we will come and unlock it for you." That's going to get old fast.

What feels like a million doctors come in one at a time and start asking me what feels like a quadrillion questions. At least 75% of which were the same questions. They also took my blood and gave me a Hulk band-aid. I give it a weird look so the nurse explained,"I thought you would like it more than the Little Mermaid ones we had." Lastly she handed me a gown and told me to take everything off and put it on. Of course I complied and did a blind weight (step on the scale backwards so you can't see the numbers). I go back to the bathroom to change back into my clothes but the nurse stops me. "For your first 3 days you can only wear a gown. You can put another one on to cover your backside."

"Please," I mutter to indicate I want another gown. She gives me one and I go to lay down on my bed. All the doctors are still talking to my parents outside my room. I make faces at my mom and dad to try to get them to smile and I only cracked them a little. I celebrated that little bit but then they all came back in.

"It's time for us to go now..." My dad says sadly. My parents start crying and hugging me and kissing me. They repeated over and over how much they love me. Of course my brain won't let me believe it.

"Bye," I say emotionless. This is all so serial. After a few minutes of absolutely nothing a guy that I saw earlier covered in tattoos comes in.

"Hi! I'm Daichi," he smiles. I remember I saw him in the hallway and really hoped I wouldn't have to talk to him. He's intimidating. "Ready for nightsnack?" I nod and he gets a wheelchair. I look at him very confused when he motions for me to get in. I do so as he explains it's protocol for the first 3 days for me to wheeled around like this. I told him I'm perfectly capable of walking but they say I have to conserve energy.

Anyways, we roll down around a corner to the mealroom. It faces the mercy flight pad and that's about it with the view from the window. But the room is nice. It's clean, there's a couch and a microwave. Daichi motions for me to sit in front of a cup full of some sort of cream colored liquid.

"It's vanilla Ensure. For your first three days this is all you'll be having during mealtimes." At the sound of that I do a small sigh of relief. I guess it won't be too bad being here. "Snacks you have 15 minutes to eat and 30 minutes for meals. Want a straw?" He asks by the shelves above the microwave. "Most people find it easier with a straw," he shrugs his shoulders and I ask for a straw. It was pretty easy getting that down since Daichi and I had some good conversation. I was honestly surprised. He is actually really nice. We watched a helicopter land and some people come out to the Mercy Flight.

I finished... my thoughts don't fail to attack me for it. As they always do... Daichi tells me once I'm done I'm not allowed in my room for at least 30 minutes. Therefore, I have to sit in my wheelchair at a small table with some random games and crafts in the unit by the nurses station. I decide to color a page in the Frozon coloring book. Not long after, the boy from before walks down the hallway with a volunteer. This time I'm able to get a good look at him. He's not all that bad looking. He looks like he does a lot of exercising. He's in normal clothes too but they seem to be pajamas. His messy black hair spiked up every which way. One can only wish to be as skinny as him. I start doubting having had my nightsnack. The doctors would have put a tube down my throat if I didn't so I guess I made the right choice. At this moment the stranger does a small wave to me. I do a quick wave back and stare at him as he walks by. Oops that was on the creepy side.

After a half hour, my nurse for the night tells me I can go into my room. She pushes me over and I lay down in bed. I roll over to face the window. At least I have something to look forward to... sunrise.

I wound up in the hospital.

My organs are threatening to shut down.

I can get refeeding syndrome.

I can die.

I have said over and over again I'm okay.

It's a lie.

It's all a horrible lie.

I'm definitely not okay.

~{A/N}~ Hey guys! I decided to get rid of everything from this story because I didn't like it. It wasn't really going anywhere it was really just a place to dump my feelings. Now I'm turning it into a place where I tell my story through my favorite fictional characters. If any of you guys are struggling with an ed feel free to message me. Or if you have any questions about the recovery process feel free to message me then too. ~Sincerely Yours~