Anders

4 Keep It Professional

Bryan

Being in the same room as Bobby was heart crushing. I wanted to focus on Blake because she was delivering important information. But he was just sitting there completely unbothered by my presence.

And I was barely holding it together.

I didn't habitually fall apart like a little bitch. I ripped other people apart. I took and made no apologies for it. I was a king, a wolf in sheep's clothing. I was not a peasant begging for scraps of emotion. At least I wasn't unless it came to Bobby.

And I fucking hated it.

I tried to cover up how bothered I was by keeping up with the conversation, but I wasn't thinking things through. I just responded. And it was stupid. I knew it was a stupid, uncalculated response as soon as I heard it, but it was too late. And he scoffed.

How fucking petty was he going to be?

Blake saw me cut my eyes at him, but I didn't care. At least she didn't stay to address it. That would have been worse. It was hard enough biting my tongue as she reprimanded us both like errant school boys.

I wasn't a child.

When she left he just sat in silence, finishing his drink. And I had a decision to make. I knew I wasn't going to get him trapped in a room with me again any time soon. He wouldn't allow it. And I'd learned how adept he was at avoiding me.

It was frustrating to say the least.

I think the ability to put my pride aside was something that didn't exist in my genetic make-up. I just didn't do it. And it got me in trouble more times than I liked. But I didn't want it to cost me Bobby. And when I thought about it like that, it made it feasible to open myself up to him.

"Bobby, I don't know what to say. I want to tell you so much, but I don't feel like you want to hear it," I confessed.

"I'll get Vic and Nick on locking down our current supplies. The new guys, Rhys and Ryan, I will keep them moving in different directions. If someone's been watching, they might realize that they do a lot of drops," he said with no emotion as he stood.

His face was just blank.

He didn't want to talk about our relationship or the feelings I was trying to share. It was all about business. And I just wanted to punch him in the throat. He wasn't this closed off when we met. But I just pushed through it.

"I miss you. I miss you so fucking much I can barely breathe. I did what I did because if I was going to be in pain I wanted to spread it around. Can you see that? Do you see how fucking sorry I am and how much I'm begging for your forgiveness? I want you back. I want to be yours again."

"We have to consider that the inner circle will be under close watch, so we can't switch up that routine. It'll draw attention. We'll have to change schedules randomly. We could use misdirection and stuff like that. Make it look like stuff just went wrong or someone screwed up. A little chaos and confusion to mix up things."

He was completely shutting me out. Blake was right. I didn't just break some arbitrary rule. I broke his heart and he wasn't ready to give me another chance. He wasn't even ready to admit to me that I'd even broken his heart.

Bobby was bigger and stronger than me. But this time, I had to be the bigger and stronger man.

He was an animal of a man that made a place in this world and stood on equal par with me. He didn't back down or get intimidated by my sick desires and lack of a conscience. It turned him on. I wouldn't find that with just anyone. And, even if he was insisting on shutting me out, I wasn't letting him go.