Together in Our Stars

Chapter 1

Augustus left me one year, three months and five days ago when his body was too weak to keep him alive. We had a small get together on the anniversary of his death to talk about Gus and how much he mean't to all of us. It was thrown by his parents. He wouldn't have wanted something that big. His image starred in every dream since then. Some of them were memories, some were wishes. I don't tend to think that he just died. Like, poof gone, nothing left of him but his body that betrayed him in the cruelest way. I tend to like his idea. That there's Something with a capital S after death. There has to be. We try our hardest not to leave a scar and then in the end it's for nothing because it's all gone in a puff of smoke. I shook myself from my the idea. I pushed myself up from my sweat-covered bed, holding on to the bedside cabinet. My legs started to buckle beneath me. I locked them back before I fell over. I looked into the mirror but it wasn't me looking back. It was a different girl; A frail girl. Her face was hollowed and her page-boy cut hair was brittle and pale. The clear tubes that run into her nose were twisted and tangled around her face. Her eyes were set deep into her head with bluish-purple rings underneath them. It was like I was trying to look at myself but someone had stuck a picture of a skeleton-like teenager on my wardrobe mirror. I grabbed the thin blanket on my bed and draped it around my shoulders so I wouldn't have to get dressed. Slowly, I dragged myself to my bedroom door and swung it open. After Gus died, I started getting worse. Mum and Dad had a stair-lift installed so that I wouldn't have to drag myself down the stairs everyday or become completely bed-bound. Walking now took double the energy than it used to. Thinking back, I can't even imagine myself walking around Amsterdam with Gus anymore. It seemed so far away. Mum was on her way up the stairs with a tray containing tablets, liquid medicines, a glass of water and some toast. She looked up to see me, ran up the stairs and left the tray on a table in the hallway. 

"You should have shouted for me." She grabbed my arm and put her other arm around my back to guide me to the seat of the stair-lift. 

"I used to be able to walk to the stair-lift without needing someone to help me." I looked at my feet which were bony and blue from the under-oxygenated blood circling my body. Mum was quiet for a few seconds.

"Sometimes everyone needs a little extra help." I knew that she was right but this; This is different. Most people only need a little help whilst they are a bit ill and then they get better, but I know that I'm never going to get any better. This is how they're going to remember me; Frail, ill, helpless, little Hazel who couldn't even get down the stairs by herself. Mum helped me plonk myself onto the stair-lift. My bones dug deep into the seat beneath me. The chair slowly moved over the stairs. Dad was slumped in the sofa. He looked up to see me and jumped off the seat to help me over. 

"Hazel Grace! You should have called me!" Images of Gus flooded into my head. Images of us in Amsterdam; In the restaurant... and what happened after. Tears filled my eyes trying to wash away the last images I had of Gus - the images of him in the car at the gas station. I blinked away the tears. Even though I know that I am weak and I am dying, I don't want to appear weak. Dad helps me get to the sofa when the doorbell goes. I stretch across the sofa and cover myself with the blanket I brought down the stairs with me.

"Hazel, It's your friend, Issac." I heard some vague mumbling of Dad talking to Issac's mum before Issac appeared around the door clasping onto Dad. 

"Here Issac, Sit down right here." Dad threw a few pillows across the room as he cleared a seat for Issac. 

"Thanks Mr. Lancaster." I rolled my eyes because I know that Issac can't see me. 

"Hazel I know what you just did. I may be blind but I'm not stupid." A small smile grew across his face. 

"Hi, Issac." My voice crackled.

"No offence, but you sound like shit."

"That little 'but' in there kinda voids the whole 'no offence' thing." I noticed that the shades that Issac was wearing were new. That could potentially be something to talk about. "Nice glasses."

"You do realize that I can't actually see them. Anyway I've got this new gag thing. I'm buying prescription glasses so that when people ask why I have them I can say 'If I wear strong enough glasses, it might bring back my sight.'" I tried to laugh but the excruciating pain in my head cut off any responses. 

"Hazel, are you okay?" I grabbed the small clumps on my head as the pain rippled through my head. With every breath that entered my lungs, fire trickled down my throat tearing apart the lining of what was left of my lungs. I tried to scream but the fire in my throat stopped my voice from working. Issac started panicking and screamed. Such a privilege is taken for granted by many people. 

"Keep breathing, Hazel! Mr. Lancaster, Help. Please! Someone." Issac sobbed into his arms. Dad rushed down the stairs, skipping a few steps as he neared the bottom. My eyes flickered black. Dad grabbed the phone and typed in three numbers. I knew exactly who he was calling so I gave into the darkness and thought of Augustus.