Riddled with Knightmares

March 22 @ 3:42 am

I wake up breathless, yet again. It's another night without getting nearly enough sleep due to these terrible night terrors. I've never slept this bad in my entire life... I sit up in my bed and look at the clock and it's 3:42. I glance around my dark room. And I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if this is really what's going on, but every time I have this specific nightmare I can still see him in my room when I awake... but only for a second and then he's gone. The weirdest part about him is that he kinda looks like me, but doesn't act the way that I would. To help my mind stop going crazy, I run through the mundane duties of all the things that I have to do tomorrow, well technically today. I obviously need to get coffee in the morning, then run to the bank, and record a few episodes of season 2 of my podcast with Travis. Hmmm that makes me remember how Travis was acting yesterday when we recorded and read a couple fanfictions. Every time I would try to add my input on the strange story we just read, he would interrupt and say what he thought. It seemed like he didn't want to hear what I had to say... But, wow! What the fuck I need to quit being a gigantic baby. I'm being way too sensitive and overthinking it. After getting my thoughts in order, I lay back down and go back to sleep forgetting the man I supposedly saw in my room and everything going on with Travis. When I wake back up, it's time to due the tedious list I made after my nightmare. Get the coffee, go to the bank, meet with Travis to begin recording the next episode. The day went just as I presumed. Before we start he asks me, "How is your new medication treating you?" I tell him that it has been fine, and I have started to feel a little better. I decide to tell him about my nightmares and when I finish he doesn't have much to say other than that is weird and that I should probably talk to my new psychiatrist about it. We record the episodes we were supposed to record. Then, I call my psychiatrist, Dr. Davenport, and set up an appointment for tomorrow.

March 23

After another night of restlessness, I get my daily coffee from Starbucks and head to Dr. Davenport's office. I go in and tell her about what is going on. The entire time I am talking, she is writing stuff down and looking at me with concern. Afterwards, she prescribes me a second medication to take with the first. I don't usually take any other medications than my daily vitamins, so I ask her, "Why do I need a second one? Shouldn't just one pill do the job?" She answers with all this doctor shit I don't really understand, but I guess it sounds reasonable enough. So I start taking the second pill in addition to the first, the nightmares get worse and not only do they haunt me in my sleep but also when I'm awake. I begin to see this man all the time and sometimes it feels like I actually become him. Oddly, I'm connected to him or it's like he is me... He starts to become a lot less scary to me and I enjoy acting like him and not just my everyday self. In my nightmares, I begin to learn about him and I become very intrigued with him. I learn that he is a felon named Steve that escaped from the cops somehow and that he really enjoys rapping. Everytime I become him, I record some weird beat and rap that he helps me come up with and upload them on Soundcloud. People seem to really like this "other side" of me, but my true fans like literally everything I do. So I'm not sure how to feel about it. When I really sit down and think about how weird it to be TAKEN OVER BY A PERSON IN MY NIGHTMARE, I decide to set up another appointment and describe this to my doctor.

March 31

I tell her everything that's been going on. She tells me that I seriously need to visit a clinic, but I don't understand why. I try to argue and tell her no, but the more I argue with her the more it backfires on me. She brings in her bodyguards to take me to the mental institution right next door. I fight and fight these bodyguards, trying to explain that I am not crazy. They yell at me, "If you don't stop fighting us now then we are going tase you." but all I can think about is not getting admitted into the looney bin. So I continue to fight, suddenly I'm shocked to the core. My whole body spazzes uncontrollably. I collapsed... Too weak to fight, they take me into my designated room, tell me I need to change into the clothes that are laid out for me, and that a new doctor will be coming to check on me later. I change into this hideous hospital gown. I'm left exposed. Wear the gown open in the front and let the dong hang out in full sight? Wear it open in the back and let my cakes go free? This waiting and silence is making my thoughts run wild. Why am I here? I'm not crazy! Where is my medicine? I need to take it to help me feel better. When can I call my friends, so they can vouch for my sanity? Finally after who knows how long, my doctor comes in. He has pointy features and looks like every doctor in a movie ever. He introduces himself as Dr. Greenland and begins to question me about what has been going on, but I don't want to tell him anything. "All I want to do is call my friends to get me out of here. This isn't where I belong," I say to him. "If you cooperate with me and tell me what is going on, then I can get you the help you need and get you out of here quicker," he replies. I contemplate that. If I do tell him everything, he can decide that I'm not crazy, and I don't need any help at all. "If I tell you everything, can I call my friends and let them know where am I am?" I ask. "Yes," he replies. So I tell him about the haunting dreams and visions since getting on my new medication