A beautiful sight isn't it. I believe the most amazing sight in the world is to see birds flying in the sky. To see them up high, with the wind in their wings flapping, and singing their songs of joy. My cousin is a bird. In fact, I feel like I see him everywhere I go. A seagull, a
raven, a crow, a blue breasted bird, but mostly a mocking jay. He dances the flight the bird and I see him every day.
"Hello?" my mom says as she answers the phone. With a blank look on her face, I can tell she became concerned. I was quiet as a mouse playing with my toys, as I patiently waited for my mom to get off the phone. I walked towards her with lurking eyes. She hung up the phone and began to shed tears. But these tears are tears that I had not seen on my mom before. There was a bright light shining on her storm. I was too young to know that the bright shining light was for my cousin to walk towards.
What's the matter with her? "JJ's sick," she told me, as if trying to spare my feelings. "Really? He's sick? When will he get better?" With me being so naïve
and oblivious, as a 4 year old should be, she gave sympathetic eyes. They told it all, that he might never get better.
That day we went over to his house to see him and to see how he was doing.
At first his condition wasn't very noticeable, but as days went on, he became sicker and sicker. I would just
sit with him and watch television for countless hours and often worry about how he would live through this. I don't know what I was more concerned about, his condition or how his son
would cope with the pain of losing his dad. As these thoughts jutted through my mind, I grew less naïve.
We began spending every other day with him, going to visit him, praying over him, it all became to real that I was losing one of my favorite cousins. It was hard to see him losing muscle tone to his body, exposing nothing but his bones. He became so skinny like a twig, that was ready to snap at any time. Again, too young to understand what was going on, I just thought it was a phase that would pass. To see him bed bound should've been a clue that things were never going to be the same for him.
"Aunt Sam, please don't go!" he would call to my mom as we would be leaving his house. You could see that she didn't want to leave the house, but we had to. "We will be back tomorrow," she would tell him over and over again. Her face told a different story, she did not want him to see the concern on her face, but to see the joy in his last few breathes.
We would always come back, and my aunt Lois, his mom, would stay there and comfort him. Her heart would break each time she saw her eldest born, but still her baby, lying there with no option. It was tougher on her than any of us. I mean as a child , he would care for me and keep me out of trouble. Like one time when i peed on myself because my mom tied my belt to tight, she was going to whoop me , but he stopped her and told her it was his fault and the belt was too tight and he basically saved my behind.
On July 4th, he had just had his 24th birthday, so happy to have all of us together as a family, I believe that is all he could've ever wanted. To see everyone around laughing and enjoying themselves instead of mourning over a loss that we didn't expect to be coming so soon. We all ate what my aunt cooked, and told old stories. It was like any normal family reunion, just the family and jokes.
July 10th, on a Saturday morning, my parents were on their way driving my dad to the airport, they came to a halt, and had to rush back to JJ's house. What's going on? Why are they driving so fast? Why is my mom crying? It was when we got back to his house, that we
found out, that was it, he was really dead. He was gone, and had passed away in his sleep. My aunt, my mom, and I were all devastated and sad. We had no clue how to feel, our emotions
racing like cars in the Daytona 500. I don't know who was more heartbroken, us, or JJ because he didn't like to see us sad. Even though he was dead, I know he could still see us. I didn't know
what or how to feel, it was like I didn't want to comprehend that he was gone. It was a weight being put on my heart and was chained and locked so it couldn't be removed. I tried not
to, but the tears came rushing out like flood waters.
On the 17th of July we had his funeral. I believe it was just as worst as finding out he was
dead. It was a dark storm on a sunny day. After they dropped him into the ground, and we said
our departures and last words, we went back to my aunt's house for the rest of the day. It was a sad day, so no one wanted to smile, but the only thing that filled us with joy was knowing that
he was in a better place. Later on that week, we all made a t-shirt of him, and we all went bowling as a family. We had a good time that night, "Family picture," my aunt called out, as we all gathered around in remembrance of JJ. The children were all crammed on the bottom, the older children off to the side, the aunts and uncles above, we were all squished, but we didn't
care, because to have the happiness we had at that moment and time, was priceless.
He is now free to fly anywhere he wants to, he doesn't have to be chained down to a feeling of never ending pain. He can look over anyone he chooses, and still he can feel happiness. I know he gets joy in seeing us all happy and succeeding every day.
It is really a beautiful sight to see birds flying around, and in fact I don't feel, I know my cousin is a bird. I don't however know what kind, but it doesn't matter, I just know that he is singing
joyous songs, perched on the branch of life. I know he is dancing the flight of the bird.
