Survivors

No going back

I got up and shut the door. The thudding sound was the zombified version of my brother banging on the window inside the room. I was in such a trance I had forgotten to put him down. My mind was in another planet. All I can think of was why? Why me? Wasn't it enough taking away my life? Wasnt it enough leaving me without a mother or a father? A girlfriend? Hell, a whole god damn society?? I had no idea what to do next. I just couldn't bring myself to kill my brother.....again.
   I know it wasn't him anymore but I still couldn't do it. "No....no.... no more of this pussy shit. If this is what the world wants from me, then this is what it'll get". I wiped the tears from my eyes, cocked my gun, and opened the door. The hollowed shell of what once was my brother looked back at me with this blank stare, as if it were blaming me for what had happened to him.
    "You're not my brother", I whispered. I pointed the gun right between his eyes and...."BANG". His body collapsed to the floor in a heap. I looked down at him and said, "you're not my brother". I exited the room without closing the door. At that point something inside of me had snapped. As if a light switch was just flipped. My conscience was battling itself. I began to feel numb. It felt like my feelings were thrown into a blender.
    All I have left is a brother to keep me company in this desolate country. I walked out of the building and headed to where Lexi and Michael were. I wanted to tell them what had happened but the only thing i managed to do was tell them we had to go. "We're leaving? Without JT? Max, what happened? Is JT dead?.... Talk to me, god damn it!" Michael said.
    "Michael, JT is dead. I dont know how it happened but our brother is dead. I found him in a room, already turned......I......put em down." Michael just stared at me, no emotions emitting from his pale face. Realizing I was staring back, I looked away and walked right past both of them. "Hey. Hey! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Michael exclaimed. "It means I blew his fucking brains out Michael. Our brother is gone. He turned and I put him down....we need to keep moving.
    There's no telling how many more will come after hearing that shot" I replied. "We continue on the same route; north, keep going until we reach.... whatever really." I picked my bag up and started walking. I was still in shock I guess because I could've sworn we walked two days straight none stop. I couldn't eat or sleep thinking about my brother. I lost him. I had one job and I fucked it up. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. "Max? U ok?" Lexi asked. Was I? If I'm being honest, I was far from ok but I told her I was. "Yeah. I'm fine. Couldn't sleep is all. Before all this happened, I used to work at a fast food restaurant.... I have done all types of things but if you would have told me at the time that I would get used to killing other humans with ease to stay alive , with no hesitation, as if they were roaches I would've scoffed at the thought in disbelief. I just wish we could go back in time, back to what passed as normal, back to having a family and going through the same daily routine". I looked at Lexi and realized she was thinking the same from the look on her face. "On the bright side, we would've never met if it wasn't for this shared trauma". " Yeah. Word of advice? Don't dwell too much in your past. It'll either kill u or leave you empty. Some things are just too difficult to understand. It's ok to grieve but try to come back from it quickly. Specially now a days, you need to have a clear mind in order to survive and help those around you". She looked at me with a smile and I returned it. She was right. It's been 2 weeks since I lost my brother and I've just been carrying on. I have to learn from my mistakes and do my best not to let it consume me but it's really hard to do that when you don't have anyone to talk about your feelings to. Kind of feels sappy now that I think about it. "Let's get some sleep, we have a long way to go tomorrow and I want all of us to get as much rest as possible. Good night" I said. "Sleep tight" she replied. I laid my head on the pillow I had placed on the ground and drifted of, not knowing the dangers we would face the next day.