Not so Lonely

***

Here I stand, lonely and cold. The sun had just set and I was getting colder every second.

I huddle in my over­sized sweatshirt with my arms trying as hard as possible to stay warm. I looked down and leaned up against a near by tree. The tree was bare and the ground was covered in dead, brown leaves. The bark was rough against my back. Staring down at my mothers grave I feel a tear trickle down my cheek.

I took a left out of the graveyard and started down the dimly lit street. There are never any cars on the street so I didn't have a problem walking right down the middle of the straight yellow lines, almost making a game of how long I can stay between them without stepping out. I walked at a slow, steady, rate thinking about my mothers' death. I had so many questions. " Why? Why did she have to kill herself? Was it my fault?"

I felt another tear trickle down my cheek but this time I quickly brushed it away. I wasn't going to cry again. I saw my house and started to walk faster. I was looking forward to going to bed. It had been way too long of a day. I reached our front steps and suddenly realized it was Sunday and my dad always drinks the week away on Sundays. He would be asleep or knocked out or something and I realized that getting into the house was just a dream. I slowly walked up the steps and banged on the door five times like and angry elephant banging its heavy foot on the ground, just in case he didn't drink for once. As I suspected, no answer.

I pulled a blanket out of our mailbox and laid down on the cold hard ground. I tried to roll the blanket all the way around me but something was always sticking out. Using the welcome mat as a pillow I laid there wondering. Sometimes I wonder for hours with no answer or solution. I rarely have an answer.

After my mother had passed I meant nothing to my dad. Nothing. He had started drinking again and would constantly forget that I existed. I could go days without talking to my dad. He used tobe my best friend, I was daddy's little girl. But not anymore. I began to cry again but this time I didn't have the energy to stop it. Before I knew it I was fast asleep.

Soon the sun had risen and it was the morning, I laid there drifting in and out of sleep. Soon I heard the door bang open, causing me to jolt my head straight up. " Oh so you choose to sleep out here for the third time this month?".

"No, you didnt answer the door for the third time this month! After a few minutes you get tired and give up!". I exclaimed still half asleep.

"Don't raise your voice at me young lady. Now get inside, you have school."

Only one good thing came out of my little talk with my dad. I had completely forgotten about school. I have a feeling that that this year wasn't going to be any different than last year, or the year before, or any year since fourth grade.

I started into the house and walked towards my room hunched over like a zombie. I figured it was from last nights sleeping arrangements. Soon I walked into my unheated room. I threw on one of my comfy, old, band sweatshirts and my old torn jeans. I wasn't a very high­maintenance person so I brushed my hair, grabbed my bag, and walked out the door.

Hey lovelies, hope you're enjoying it sorry it's virtually unedited hopefully I'll get to that soon. Thanks!

Enjoy!