Minizerk (mostly) Oneshots

Guns and Roses

*Please play song*

Screams, Bullets, Bodies.
This is the battlefield.
This is my world now.
I'm on the front line, fighting not for our war crazed country, not for an escape no, we both  know why I'm here.
You were just a dream to a suicidal, insecure teen who didn't see the point, why am I here?
What good am I doing? I'm not here for me that's for sure, so who am I here for? Why can't I bring myself just to let go?
Then, I saw you.
Dark brown hair and blue eyes, toned muscles and a smirk.
God, you made me feel awful, scratching my beard as the thoughts washed over me once again, they never left really.
First my leg bounced, then I cleared my tightened throat trying to force everything back down.
My eyes started to water but I blinked it back, you look more awful when you cry, don't make yourself more revolting.
After I packed my camera away, my gaze met yours, I shot you a strained smile as I practically jogged out the bar.
Good going josh! Who goes to a fucking bar to get some peace. Not like it matters, I can't get away from my own mind. God josh! Your just like your father.. A bar! Really are you gonna start beating kids up now? I mean it's pretty lucky your gay, you would probably follow in his footsteps and knock a woman about. Lucky? Yeah let's go back to the beating part.. I'm very lucky I'm gay.
Stop being such a cunt. I snorted out loud at my thoughts, not  noticing the blue eyes glimmer at me.
"JOSH! JOSH! Get out! GET OUT!"
Your voice boomed in my earpiece, grabbing my gun I jumped out the building, you were always on edge, but now your in complete panic.
"JOSH, YOUR SURROUNDED, Go round the back I'll cover you."
I simply nodded, I know you can see me, staring at me like we were back in the bar, not walking on literal landmines, standing just the littlest closer just incase we won't ever again,talking just a minuet longer,walking just a little bit slower.

I walked towards the highway, drawn to the zooming red lights mixing together in deepest of nights.
You could end it.Right now. Never having to feel like this again. I swallowed, taking a step closer to the curb.
Come on josh. What are you actually living for? There it is, the one question that I have no answer for, what am I living for?
It's not like anyone would miss you. They left josh.  My head fell.
Didn't even spare a thought of you as they all left, I mean they don't even call you.
There still good people, they once cared..
Really josh? Did they? Are you sure that you didn't just want that so much you believed it. A dry chuckle fell freely, I really d I'd want that.
"I, myself don't find cars so very amusing." A strong voice joked I looked up to be met with .. you'll never guess.  He still wore the same smirk, yet no girl clung to his waist nor a bottle of vodka in his hands.
"I was laughing at myself. These-" I motioned towards the speeding escapes"-Now they are my ticket to leave." I stated simply. He cocked an eyebrow but didn't comment. I visibly retreated into myself.
YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I know there are so many things wrong with you but really, can't even have a conversation to a normal person now? I think you should reconsider my past statement.
I darted my eyes to the ground, shifting on my feet. He doesn't leave. I cleared my throat, breathing heavily just to get it down the closing muscle.
"You looked like you were going to walk through it." He suddenly commented, I'm sure he thought I was going to shoot my head up either to tell him that he's crazy or that I need help. I just lifted my head with a worn out smile clawing on my face "I was thinking more run, if I was slow they might have to to react." He frowned at my comment, but I continued to wear the same exasperated smile, my mind is completely torn apart, ripped and broken, no glue in the form of pills could even get it back together. "Life isn't meant for everyone." My therapist told me, after the highest legal dosage didn't so much as pull a fake laugh from me.
"So you want to die.. Maybe you could by saving someone else's life. I'm a marine, not by choice at first but now I can't be normal again, so how about we make a deal." His voice was low, almost a whisper as I almost laughed.
See, no one cares. He just came here because  of his job.
I knew he was talking, I watched his mouth move his hands joining at some points but all I could focus on was the defining white noise.
"What's the earliest time I can be on the list." I spoke gently, he shut up, his lips almost falling into a frown. Oh so he upset I'm joining when he's the one who offed.
"I can get you to training tomorrow." He eventually replied, not looking in my eyes.
"Josh." I said offering my hand out, this time his head shot up as he gave a smile.
"Simon."

"Josh I.. I don't know what to do.. I swear last time I looked you were fine.."
Your voice quivered, my heart tugged at your fear for me, but we both know you put me out here for a reason that's no longer true.
I wanted to die.
I didn't have anything to live for.
It was a win win situation in a vile way.
You get to appease your superiors by bringing in a soldier ready to serve.
But it's not our fault you were my trainer.
It's not out fault I told you about my pathetic excuse of a life.
It's not our fault you held me.
It's not our fault I cried for the first time in years.
It not our fault you held me as we fell asleep.
It's not our fault you opened up about why you joined, the fading scar of a gang tattoo looked beautiful on your bicep.
It's not our fault we kissed.
It's not our fault I confessed my feelings.
It's not our fault you returned them.
Its my fault I spoke the three words I envied before we left for a mission.
It's my fault I freaked you out.
It's my fault you shut me out.
It's my fault for cutting with my pocket knife.
It's my fault I couldn't look you in the eye.
It's my fault I lost appetite and gave it to the guys.
It's my fault I didn't notice you staring this time.
It's my fault the thoughts came crashing down on me, so cruel as if it's making up for lost time.
But it's not my fault you got drunk.
It's not my fault you came out on patrol hangover.
It's not my fault you got angry at me.
It's not my fault you stormed off.
It's not my fault the siren went off.
It's not my fault I had to seek refuge in a building.
Its yours.
"Josh I.. I think.. It's-"
"Think?"
I finally spoke back to you, missing the conversations with you.
"It's clear baby."
" okay.. I trust you."
Now that.
That is our fault. We just got too close.
I slung my gun over my shoulder as I ran towards the base, and then..
B.A.N.G
A single shot rattled my stomach.
Causing me to fall, to feel again.
A second shot ran out, it was clean and crisp, your perfect aim.
"JOSH!" A desperate scream of my name caused me to look up from the river of crimson to your sprinting body.
I realise what people mean now, when the have an outer body experience as I watched everything in 3rd person.
"Baby.. baby.." Over and over you cried my name as you pulled me into your lap.
"Baby, Baby I'm here, don't worry okay. Your gonna be okay." You spoke as I saw your eyes fill with something so alien.
"You.. you can't cry. It doesn't suit you.." I whispered as I gripped your hand.
"Josh.. please.. please!" You begged and I held on tighter, it hurts so very much more to see you so distort.
"You can't leave me.. you can't leave me when I love you.. please.." you whispered as I smiled, finally.
"You.. really need to .. tt-to get better with your timing Si.." I stuttered coughing on thick red blood.
"J-Josh you can't. I can't. We have to have our happy ending.. we're meant to be together forever-"then you chocked up, tears spilled and you crushed me against you.
"Everything, will w-w-work o-outt." I whispered, giving you a real smile my eyes fluttering close as my body told me it's time to let go, 25 years of pain takes a toll on you, yet 2 years spent by my soulmate in the worst places in the world was what kept me gripping onto his trembling hand reaching to the other to find a.. stem?
"I w-was going to give it to you as an apology." You stuttered, the red petals in the corner of my eye made my heart flush.
Here it is.
Something I craved so much.
Something I longed for, it's finally happening.
We both know that I'm not making it, we're practically swimming in blood, not that a medic would come out here, we might be on our base but it's at the outskirts.
"I-I love you Simon."
"Josh.." you cried burying my head into your shoulders
"I l-Love you too." You whimpered as my head fell limp.

"Sometimes we do everything right and we still loose."