Pain and Bullsh*t

The Bitch

What girl would ever pass up the chance to go over and pet the cutest puppies in the world, even if its obvious the guy is just laying the ground work to fuck you. Oh well, I couldn't give two shits, I just wanted to pet dogs. I missed mine. I had to give up my beautiful Dane because we had just moved to the area and we couldn't bring her. I love that dog, but now her and a pig play all day on a farm, so she has a good life.

Anyway, back to the cute puppies, my animal trainer came out and I completely ignored the guy trying to put on the moves he had used on countless girls. Sorry boy, but I know the book. I was basically an editor of it, hanging with mostly guys my entire life. Girls suck. And everything about this story just intensifies that notion. But guys suck too. Or just people in general. That's why I stay with the comfort and undying love of animals. There is no agenda, no ulterior motive, just happiness.

But damn this guy was pulling out the big guns, saying "oh her toys are in my room" and trying to get me on the bed to play with her. Idiot. I took the toys outside. I was getting annoyed with this guy at this point, but he was my ride back to class and we still had thirty minutes before we had to be back, so might as well have fun, right? He wasn't an unattractive guy, and on the surface, he seemed nice enough, but I knew his type. The guy that will serve you the world on a silver platter until you fuck, but then drops you once he gets in your pants. Well fuck that. Been there, done that. No thanks. And no, this story isn't about how this guy found the error in his ways and changed himself to be with the girl of his dreams, if only people could actually change like that. But might as well get something out of this ordeal. He wants to treat me like a prize, then he better be ready to do the fucking hundred-meter dash.

So here I am, playing with dogs and thinking of how I'll play this out, when a new level of this whole dynamic walks through the door. The ex. Apparently, they live together, cause that's a genius idea? Well I great her politely, always trying to be a nice person, and she looks me up and down ignores my hand and goes to her room. James (the guy) said to ignore her and explained she's pissed because he has a girl over and she automatically assumes we're fucking. Well nice to meet you too bitch, go ahead and suck my dick. I just hate rude people so much. At least the exchange took up the last of the time until we had to head back to class. I was ready to leave that house and never come back. I never wished so much to be smarter in that moment.

Fast forward a few days, James is still laying it on thick. And he knows I have a boyfriend. Although admittedly that was going into the trash any day, and he knew that playing on the hurt and insecurities of the whole ordeal, trying to get in my pants. And fucking hormones and feelings rear their head and next thing I know I'm start to *gag* feel for this guy. And that sucks because he is such an asshole and I had a boyfriend of two years that was nice and sweet and had prospects. But like I said, love is bullshit. And life isn't perfect. And people make mistakes they'll regret for the rest of their lives, like sleeping with the sleaze ball playing on your vulnerability to get what he wants. Not that he's to really blame. This was my decision. I deserve the guilt, the shame, all of it. And most likely STD's this asshole had. But goddamn it was a good fuck. Better than it had been with the boyfriend (don't worry I'm not 100% a piece of shit, I broke up with him the next day realizing what I wanted). Still felt like shit about it though. I shouldn't have enjoyed myself so much, it was wrong but if it was so wrong why did I want to do it over and over again? That's where it all went to shit.

I've always been told I'm "a bit much" or "over the top." So the fact that my bright personality wasn't scaring him away and he seemed to genuinely enjoy my company kept me coming back. And kept going back, and not just to fuck but to hang out. I ended up over there more and more, eventually smoking weed with the rest of them. Well what a bad decision that was in the long run. Don't get me wrong, I like weed and it helps but moderation is best. Not this constant smoking I got into with them. And he seemed to like me being there, enjoying my humor and inviting me over more and more until an hour once a week turned to a few hours a night until I basically lived there. When I wasn't in class, I was there smoking. The bitch was barely there then. And I somehow found myself becoming friends with this guy I had loathed so much to begin with. And platonic feelings and lust turned to adoration. He took care of me during my transition into pothead and away from the boyfriend I recently parted with. It was all very MTV awkward style. I hate being a fucking cliché. But rich little white girl had to learn sooner or later the world isn't rainbows and sunshine. Its blood, tears, and pain. And things don't always work out like they do in romance movies.  

A/N:

there's more to this story, if y'all want to hear it.  I just wanted to put it out there.  Please comment, like, follow, anything to know someone out there is reading