lovesick

friday/saturday - dylan

A few more days until school ends and then finally everyone can leave this hellhole. I can finally forget what it felt like to not be greeted by the scent sickly sweet flowers, the kind of aroma you smell in funerals and hospitals. Maybe that smell stuck in this room because all of our optimistic sides have died all because of all the constant pressure being put on our shoulders.
Or maybe it was because the principal liked that certain smell. I mean, the second you enter her office you are overwhelmed with that scent. If you're into it, cool! I'm not one to judge.

There are a lot of things I would be more than happy to leave in highschool. Like the inconsiderate teachers, childish humour, and relationships built on lust. Maybe even the unnecessary arguments that don't even have a single bit of logic behind them.

But of course, there are some things I would love to keep and not forget. Like my friends, music class, and the fun memories created in a span of 4 years. Most of all, I wouldn't want to forget Trevor, my best friend. Well, I don't even know if he counts as a best friend. I mean, I don't even know why he wanted to be friends with me in the first place. But that's not my point.

Trevor counts as a best friend, but of course, if you've known someone your whole life, there is a small chance that you have never datedr, or even haf a little tiny feeling of affection towards them. If you and your friend have never felt that, then good for you! I wouldn't say that Trevor  and I dated. I'd rather say we tried to, but it didn't work out. There are times where we just sit in a room with tension filling the spaced between us and we can't help but have the urge to hold each other.

We tried to work things out, but we always end up running into the same wall over and over. Trevor felt like it didn't feel right for us to "date". Kisses and cuddles wasn't the future he wanted with me. He tells me that it doesn't feel right to fall in love with someone you've known your entire life.
You can't expect a future full of surprises when you know damn well how things are going to end up with them. And I couldn't argue with him. He was right.

There's no point in wondering how they're going to dress when you go out, there's no point in asking what's their favourite type of movie, if they're a cat person or a dog person. Because you know that they would be wearing a blue shirt with weird printed things on it, with some simple denim pants, and plain shoed. You know that they enjoy all types of movies because it' not easy to just like one thing for them. You know that they would rather die than have to choose between two adorable animals.

My point is, life gets boring. There's no point in asking what if's and do you's because you already know them.

But maybe I wanted that. It would've been a hundred times easier for me because I knew his favourite popcorn flavour, I knew his favourite movie, and I know what animal he likes. Maybe I wanted a relationship that I know how it would turn out. But Trevor wasn't into that.

Trevor is that type of guy who you would assume breaks girls hearts, parties every Saturday night, and spend his entire weekend getting high on something. But he isn't. Sure, not only is he physically fit, but he is also damm attractive. He has that typical fuckboy hair, green eyes, and a very good bone structure. I guess his physical looks has a badboy vibe that you get?

But Trevor likes simple stuff. He likes to read 50+ books before summer ends, he likes to get lost in places he's never been to, he hates having to go to parties, he hates talking to too much people, and he's very humble. He's also gay.
You'd think someone who has trophies and medals and has a lot girls running after him would be straight. But he isn't.

Thinking about it, I don't even know why I'm his best friend. I'm just a boy who hates being the center of attention and likes to listen to indie artists. I'm just a boy who likes to wear clothes from the thrift store and turns his feelings and thoughts into art. I'm just a boy with brown, curly hair who had freckles all over my cheeks and pale skin. I'm just a boy who's in love with another boy who's never gonna fall in love with me.

I, Dylan Gray, a boy with brown eyes and lame personality, is in love with Trevor Scorel, a boy with green eyes and a personality that stands out.

I'm lame.

"Dylan! Pssst! Hey!" Trevor, of course, whisper shouts to me. He puts his arm around the shoulder, causing my inner and outer gay self to shine. My face started to get red and I could feel my heart beating faster.

"Listen, D. Since it's the weekend tomorrow, and one of the hottest guys in school is throwing a party and he invited me, wanna be my plus one?"

"Oh give me a break, Trevor. I don't want to spend my weekend getting drunk on intoxicated liquids and straight girls hitting on me. When literally, everyone at school knows I'm gay."

"Okay, first of all, don't generalize parties. Second of all, we were given the chance to celebrate with every single person we know for the last time. And I'm pretty sure only 30 people know you're gay."

"Whatever. All I know is that I'm not going to be spending my night in a house full of hopeless romantics," I said, in a way that made me seem kind of selfish.
"Aren't we all?" Trevor looks at me. I hate that look. I hate the way how his eyes have to sparkle. I hate how his perfectly shaped lips curl into a smile. I hate how his faint freckles have to show. I realized that I was taking too much of my time admiring him than getting ready for my last class.

"Fine. I'm going." I say to him. "YES!! THAT'S MY BOY!" His face starts to brighen up and his little smile turned into a grin, showing his pearl-white teeth. Every damn time this boy smiles my heart flutters. He's so goddamn perfect.

~~~~

I knew going to the party wasn't a good idea. I never really liked being surrounded by drunk, hormonal teens. Sure, they're nice people and don't mean any harm but I can't handle being pulled into a crowd full of wasted, intoxicated 18 year olds.

I figured that not wearing a hoodie wouldn't be a good idea as well. Because 1) it is cold and 2) because I don't  want my skin to touch sweaty and sticky skin. Heck, I don't even want my skin against anyone's skin. It's weird.

"Dylan, you're gonna ruin the fun," Trevor told me, after I told him about my issue with being surrounded by drunk people.

"Isn't that what I'm known for? Ruining the fun?" I talk back at him. I look over his direction and he made a little laugh.

"You never ruin the fun. Besides, not everyone is gonna be drunk! Even Juni Kade is going. I bet she isn't even complaining on the way to the party!"

Juni Kade? The girl I sit next to in art class?  She always intimidated me. Just one look from her and you'll feel like you're going to die. If looks could kill, I'd be dead by now.

"Juni? God, she scares me."

"She scares everyone, Dylan."

"Have you even sat next to her?! Golly gosh, I feel like if I move and inch closer to her, she'd strangle me in a heartbeat."

"Maybe she's giving you a hug?"

"Haha, thanks for trying to lighten up the mood."

Juni Kade scares me.