My name is Princess Andromeda. You may have seen my picture because I have been painted so many times by so many different artists down the centuries. Usually they show me more or less naked, chained to a rock by the sea, with a serpent about to come and devour me. Somehow they manage to show me looking pretty cool about the whole affair. It wasn’t really like that, I can tell you, I was screaming my head off – I mean, wouldn’t you be? That monster, he was just so – ugh – ugly, slimy, covered in barnacles, and had obviously never cleaned his teeth in his life. He was taking his time, writhing around in the waves and lashing his tail so as to cause me the maximum fright.
That really did happen to me – and do you know what? My own parents chained me to that rock. Yes, my mother and father – I thought they loved me! My mother was always boasting about me – she told anyone who would listen that I was more beautiful than the sea nymphs called the Nereids – I’m not saying that it wasn’t true – but you just can’t say that sort of thing. It’s called blasphemy. The Nereids are immortal, and they have a god-given right to claim the title for anything they want – including the most beautiful – But I was young, and I didn’t know that. The thing that really irked me was their plan to marry me off to my uncle. If it wasn’t bad enough that he was middle aged and ugly and my father’s brother – he was also – would you believe it – a pirate. His ghastly crews of cutthroats were menacing our ports, and he said they would do worse still if I could not be his bride. So mum and dad caved in without even asking my opinion. The wedding date was fixed, and invitations went out with a little ode by the court bard comparing me to the Nereids and saying that I topped them in the looks department. They even sent one of these little ditties to Poseidon the God of the Sea – well known for his stormy temper – and the proud father of the aforementioned Nereids. What a mistake that was! He didn’t just stir up the waves, he puked up a foul monster that came to ravage our coast. His priestess told my parents that the monster would not pull back until it had yours truly as a sacrificial breakfast. So now you know how I found myself in that rather nasty predicament chained to the rock. If that wasn’t irksome enough, there was the court painter up on the cliffs, recording the very first impression of Andromeda and the Sea Monster for mythology. I don’t know if I was more terrified, or more furious with my parents. I thought I would never see my seventeenth birthday.
As I mentioned, the sea monster was dragging things out – I think he enjoyed the drama of it all. The crowds of spectators were going to get their money’s worth – but that was his big mistake.
I looked up to the sky to call out, “Oh Zeus, Lord of the Heavens, send me deliverance from this foul beast and these dumb parents of mine!” And who says that prayer has no power – because, out the clouds there appeared a strange bird. I saw right away that this was something out of the ordinary; he seemed more upright in the air than a normal feathered friend. I can’t say he swooped like an Eagle, at times it looked more like he was tossed by the winds – a real amateur flyer. But then he gained more control and started to streak towards us. I could see now that this creature of the air was equipped with a shield, a sword, and a helmet. His wings were on his feet – which accounted for his strange style of flying. He was encumbered by a sort of rucksack on his back. I held my breath. I was surely saved. Here was a god or a hero and he was going to use his sword to slice up that foul serpent of the sea. But oh – what an idiot! Instead of coming to save me, he plonked himself down on the ground right by my parents. I learned later that he was demanding my hand in marriage in return for rescuing me. My father, as was his annoying way, was bargaining with him for a better deal. I took a deep breath and called out:
“Come on! If you are going to save me, get on with it!”
At which point, the winged hero finally got the idea that time was of the essence. He did his thing, and fluttered above the beast with his sword, swiping this way and that, until he finally struck home and kebabbed it through the neck. That night we ate fried sea serpent on beach.
