***Me***
I walk into the living room. There is an elephant in the kitchen. Ignorant to it, I go to my room and put my stuff away. I finish cleaning up and walk downstairs to see who is in the basement. I walk past the entrance to the kitchen and something catches the corner of my eye. I walk one step further upstairs before double taking, staring at it, and looking confused. Eventually confusion turns to hysterical laughter.
ME:
(yelling)
Whose elephant is in the kitchen?
(to myself)
How the hell did someone get an elephant through the door? Why do we need an elephant? Is it ridable?
(stares at it quietly for a bit. Then, speaking in a puppy voice.)
Look at it's little trunk with it's little tail! I could pull a hair from it's tail.
(pause)
Maybe not.
(yelling)
Seriously who is the owner of this elephant? Is this supposed to be a pun about there being an elephant in the room? Is there anyone else home besides me and this elephant?
(Looking at the elephant)
You want a drink? Cuz I sure as hell could use one. No offense, but you were a bit of a surprise...and still kind of a mystery.
***Marina***
Marina walks into the living room. There is an elephant in the kitchen. Ignorant to it, Marina walks into the basement still oblivious to the elephant in the kitchen. She muddles about her room being a mess and the basement needing to be cleaned before heading up the stairs for a snack. Taking a moment to look away from her phone, she looks up at the elephant, unamused.
MARINA:
A fucking elephant.
(yelling)
Why is there a fucking elephant in the fucking kitchen? WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A FUCKING ELEPHANT IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!?
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE HOME OTHER THAN THIS FUCKING ELEPHANT!?
(She pauses because there is no response to her questions and she stares at the elephant.)
I'm not cleaning up after you. I'm actually taking my name off of the chore chart and I'm replacing it with A FUCKING ELEPHANT. I'm also going to shoot whoever put you here and I have a feeling it was either Amanda or Benson...or both.
***Emma***
Emma walks into the living room. There is an elephant in the kitchen. Ignorant to it, Emma walks up to her room. She closes the door and calls her boyfriend. After a quick conversation, she walks downstairs to get her rum and see who is home. As she approaches the kitchen she notices the elephant and backs away.
EMMA:
Um...
She inspects the elephant and realizes it's alive, and a real elephant. She takes another step back.
EMMA:
(half laughing her vowels)
Oh! That's a real elephant. Hello Mr. Elephant. I really hope you are only here because you needed a good home. Do you need any water or some food? You are a very cute elephant. Don't let anyone body-shame you because you are adorable. Maybe we can find you a better home though, because I don't think our kitchen is anything like where you're supposed to be living. Why are you left all alone? Here, I'll sit with you while we wait for someone to get home and then we'll find you a real home.
(she pauses)
Do you know any good card games?
***Alex***
Alex walks into the living room. There is an elephant in the kitchen. Ignorant to it, he goes to his room and sits in front of his laptop. After a while, he gets up, grabbing his cigarettes and lighter. He goes upstairs to find the elephant in the kitchen. His eyes widen and he looks unamused.
ALEX:
I just want to know how they got that through the door. I'm not even curious about why. I just want to know how Amanda or Benson did it...or both. It was probably both.
***Benson***
Benson walks into the living room. There is an elephant in the kitchen. Ignorant to it, he goes to his room and throws his bag down. He grabs his water cup and heads downstairs to fill it. He enters the kitchen humming to himself. He stops when he sees the elephant, and
looks it up and down with almost no surprise.
CHRIS BENSON:
(patting it on the side)
Good dog.
