Every Time You Leave ~ Every Time He Stays (Koli) (and a little bit of Kellic.)

Everything we never were

A few years earlier..

I watched as he got down on one knee. As he promised to love and cherish with all of his heart and soul. Of course she said yes. Of course he slid the ring on her finger and kissed her. Of course he wasn't even aware that I had witnessed the whole thing.

I force myself from the window. I walk away and try to feel nothing. Ive gotten used to hiding my emotions. Ive gotten used to him stabbing me in the back and walking away from the mess he made.

I need to leave.

I walk to the beach. I sit on the shore away from the rest of the world.

I don't cry.

I dont feel.

I don't do anything but stare at the vast water ahead of me and wonder what it would be like to leave this world. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. This feels something like fire. It consumes my every thought and feeling.

But I dont want to die. I know this will pass. However, am I strong enough to beat this pain? Can i beat the need and crave for him? For his arms and warmth? For the promises that were empty but still made me hope?

Yes I am.

I get up from my spot on the beach and promise myself never to let Victor Fuentes hurt me again. Im better than this. I know I deserve more than empty promises and false hope.

So I moved. I moved away from sunny San Diego, California. I found a new life. A life with more real hope. I found a way to deal with my troubling past. I found friends who let me use my past to create songs for our band.

I found a new love. Oliver Sykes. A British man that is sweeter than any sugar on the world. The man that understands that I love him but I can't trust myself to show him. He understands that i have trust issues and that I can get distant at times. He understands me and I couldnt ask for anything more than that.

He sings in a band known as Bring Me The Horizon. They are widely known in our area and just keep getting bigger. So when a record label contacted them and offered a deal, I wasnt even surprised. So we had to move from our home in the east coast to the city where Oli and his band will start their professional career. Somewhere he sees as an opportunity to build his band. Somewhere i know as the place filled with painful memories.

*****

San Diego, California.

I know that im a different person now. I know I shouldnt worry about seeing Vic or anyone else from my past. We are all adults. We can be better than this.

After Oli and I finished unpacking our new house, he had to meet up with the others and see their manager. I was lft alone for a while, so I decided to wonder the city i used to be so fond of. I visited an old taco shop that I loved. I went to the record stores I spent many hours in. Everywhere I went I saw his face. Vic wasnt really in front of me. But it was still painful none of the less.

I ended wondering to the beach. The sun was shining bright and the sound of the waves were loud. I ended up at the spot where I decided to leave this place and Vic behind me. It was almost four years ago. I was torn apart outside a coffee shop down about a mile from here.

I stay in the spot until Oli texts me saying that he has finished up and wants to take me to dinner. I reply back and ask him to pick me up from here, and put my phone away in my pocket that also has a piece of paper with our new address on it. I look out at the ocean one last time and turn to walk away. I bump into someone and fall on my butt. The person i bumped into held out a hand to me. I grabbed it and looked up to apologize. I see the persons face and I freeze in my spot.

Victor Fuentes.

I snatch my hand away and push myself up. I stand there for a second just to make sure that it was really him.

"Kellin?" He asks.

"Yes. Now goodbye." I make a start to the street. He calls me and I just keep walking. I see Oli's car and I head straight for it. Vic runs after me. I walk faster to get away from him. Oli gets out of the car once he sees me. He smiles brightly at me but it disappears once he sees that im trying to get away from someone.

Oli wraps me in his arms and I hide my face in his chest.

"Can I help you with something?" Oli askes Vic.

"Yeah I would like to speak to Kellin." Vic responds.

I turn towards Vic. "Go away Vic."

"Wait, this is the fucker that broke your heart?" Oli stiffens up.

"Lets just go Oli." I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time. I feel the paper fall out but Oli was already leading me into the car. I get in and avoid looking at Vic and Oli.

Oli says something to Vic and then gets in the driver's side of the car.

Oli starts the car and drives away. I finally feel like I can breathe.