Regicide

Chapter 14

When Dune slept, he rarely ever dreamt. Normally, every time he shut his eyes and drifted away, all he would see was a black darkness, as empty as himself. That was, in fact, all he had seen ever since he taught himself to suppress.

Before that, his dreams were vivid and powerful. They struck fear, joy, melancholy, amusement into his heart. He would see the sweeping landscape of his desert home, the cheering faces of his pack, the sun and moon merging as one, the loving arms of his old friends. But that was before the betrayal. After that, all he would ever see were nightmares. Bloody talons, twisted faces, disembowelled torsos, gaping jaws. Soon after, the nightmares stopped too, once he lost the ability to consciously feel.

And all he would see was black.

But, this day was different. After killing Sand, under the light of the rising sun, Dune collapsed from exhaustion and entered the world of his mind.

Ever since he had killed Shadow, the ability to feel had returned to him. Something had awakened inside of him. It scared him- and the fact that he could feel fear scared him too.

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Dune stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the calm ocean. The sun beat down warm rays onto his back. He sighed, and shut his eyes for a moment, breathing in the salted scent of the water.

His friend was coming to meet him soon. A friend who he had known for many, many years.

He heard footsteps approach from behind. It was him!

Dune turned, and saw him. A black raptor with a white underbelly, stripes, and spots. A black raptor with amber eyes that looked like a blazing fire. A black raptor with a great big scar carved into his chest.

Dune had known this raptor from the moment he was born. He knew that he could trust him.

The raptor smiled at him, and Dune smiled back. He moved towards him, ready to say hello and embrace him.

The raptor looked him in the eye. 'Fool,' He spoke, and with the gentlest of touches, pushed Dune off the cliff.

He didn't even scream or cry out in fear as he fell.

(I should have known.)

The sun became a giant, orange eye. Its dark pit of a pupil followed his way down.

(I should have seen this coming.)

The raptor watched him fall, no sign of any emotion in his eyes.

(I knew it was coming. I always did. This is inevitable.)

Dune hit the ground, and purple vines grabbed at him. He struggled, lifting an arm up to the raptor, begging for help, though the raptor merely watches. The vines overwhelm him and smother him, making everything go black.

To love is to make yourself vulnerable. To trust is to get yourself hurt. Why did you love? Why did you trust?

I want to be able to love those around me, even if there is a chance that I am going to get hurt.

You were betrayed by your sister. It will happen again no matter what you do.

But I do not want that to be true. I do not want to constantly build walls around my wretched heart and stop others from entering.

This is the reality of the world you live in. You cannot love. You cannot trust.

... I know. But sometimes, I cannot help it. It scares me so much. I don't want to be abandoned again.

They have no reason to stay by your side. You will care for them, but they will not care for you. They will leave you behind.

I always get so attached. And when I get attached, I get sensitive. It's better if no one experiences the complications of being close to me.

You will love and cherish them, but they will never love and cherish you.

...

The ones you love most will leave you behind in the end without a care in the world. In fact, life will be better for them when that happens. They will all hurt you.

...

I will never waste my tears over someone else again.

...

By suppressing your emotions, by preventing any form of trust, you are protecting yourself from a very deep pain.

But at the cost of what? I will never feel true happiness again, nor love.

But you will not feel the pain either. You will not feel fear or sadness.

That is correct...

When you start to feel comfortable with trusting someone, they will remind you of why it is better to close yourself off.

...

I just want to be able to trust without being so afraid...

...

In this world, you can only trust yourself.

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With a jolt, Dune opened his eyes. The sun was up in the sky, shining brightly in his vision. He felt something strange tingle his eyelids.

His chest felt like it was being crushed as he realised in horror what was happening.

Instantly, he whipped his hands onto his face and covered his visage, squinting his eyes shut. He dug his claws into his skin, pressing hard against it. It hurt, but that did not matter.

I can't let the world see my tears...

He trembled, crushing his palms against his eyes, feeling shivers wrack through his spine when his scaled fingers contacted the liquid.

Suppress suppress suppress SUPPRESS

His breath shuddered. He never wanted to experience such a nightmare again. He would rather die.

(That is only because you know that it's all true- you want to be able to love and trust again.)

He dug his claws in deeper, wanting to tear his skull apart for daring to allow such thoughts to appear in his mind.

(The loneliness is getting to you. You know it, but you're too scared to admit it.)

Dune's tail whipped against the sand desperately. Growls of agitation escaped his jaws.

(Shut up. SHUT UP.)

He winced as he felt his claws break through his skin, blood welling up around his talons.

He stopped, and lay completely still for a moment.

Then, he moved his hands away from his head, and just lay there on the sand with a blank expression. As his trembling ceased, so did any sign of his agitation. He sighed, knowing that despite the fact that his external state seemed unaffected, inside, his heart was in his throat and his stomach was twisting inside out.

What do I do? He questioned. To suddenly begin to feel such deep emotion after years of emptiness and void was strange, in the worst possible way. To feel such fear and wistfulness (and yearning) so strongly...

His eyes looked down to his chest. The scar was still there, as it always had been.

With a snort, he raised himself up on his feet. On his right leg was Sand's skull, still encrusted with dry blood. In a strange way, he felt the smallest amount of shame when he harvested her body for the commodity required. He even started to have thoughts about Blood's and Shadow's skulls as well. But, in the end, he ignored them, and added another skull to his body.

Bone was next. He knew that she was going to be very difficult to take down, and thus, decided that under no circumstances would he allow sensitivities to get in his way. He was going to kill her, no matter what she did.

(The deepest forms of pain are produced by the deepest forms of love and trust.)