Replaced

shhh, i'm supposed to be working on DTHM chapter 14 but i wrote this instead like a good author...
this is based off of my current feelings / fears bc i'm writing them out of my system

Rin was sitting in a circle as a movie played idly in the background. His attention was focused on the people in front of him, his three closest friends—Shima, Bon, and Izumo. They were playing a rather intense game of truth or dare and adding to the fervor was a bottle of vodka complete with four shot glasses—one for each player—in the middle of their cult-like ring. The point of this dangerous addition was so that a player could chicken out of a dare or a truth, but they had to take a shot if they did.

The catch—you could only have three shots, max. After that, you had to "get your shit together and stop being a wimp," as explained by Suguro. And unfortunately for Rin, he had already taken all of his shots, for the reason that Shima and Izumo kept on asking him to do very inappropriate things to the tipsy rooster next to him.

And, shit, it was his turn. Izumo, who was asking the question, gave him a sly, devilish smirk. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Rin answered with a small, drunken slur. He figured that was the safe option—no matter how much Izumo thought he wanted to, he wasn't really fond of giving Bon a lap dance tonight.

For some reason, Izumo seemed to sober up. "What's you're biggest fear? I've always wondered... I mean, you never seem to get scared, even with all these people after you for being the son of the devil and all."

Rin frowned. He knew full well what his greatest fear was, but he didn't want to tell them, at least not right now. It would severely damage the mood of the night—their last night together for some while, because they were splitting up to go to different universities. Suguro had gotten into a very high rate college with a low acceptance rate, being the genius that he was. Izumo and Shima had both settled for middle class colleges where they could focus on their selected meister.

Meanwhile, Rin—who had been planning to go with one of his friends—was pulled to a separate, isolated university where they could train him to 'better handle his flames.' As if he hadn't trained enough throughout all of highschool? And what makes it worse—it was on the other side of the planet, in America. Port Key's didn't work that far. He'd have to take a long, long flight if he wanted to come back and hang out with his friends.

Meanwhile, Izumo cleared her throat as if thinking something over. "Answer honestly."

Rin was going to say he was afraid of sharks or some lame, non-personal shit like that. He was going to be okay, be strong, like he always was. He was going to be there for his friends without putting any extra burden on them—he was the one who was supposed to help them carry their own burdens, to help them be happier. He couldn't lay his own mind fuckery on them like that.

And yet, why did he want to? The sweet buzzing of alcohol was practically whispering to him, saying softly, encouragingly, 'go on, explain, let them help you, let them ease your fears.'

But Rin's mind was shouting back no, no no no no no, his anxiety was saying that they were just going to confirm his fears, his stupid, stupid head telling him that they didn't want him, that they wouldn't care. And the problem was, he didn't know if they actually did want him or not. He wouldn't know unless he asked, and he didn't want to do that in the slightest.

But the buzz kept on soothing him, it told him that he should just check and then he'd know for sure, and he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. And so, he gave in.

Under the whole groups stern, almost concerned gazes, Rin reached over and snagged the vodka bottle, tipping it back until he felt liquid fire burn a path down his throat. He slammed the bottle back down with a cough and some newfound confidence before opening his mouth hesitantly.

"I... My biggest fear is that... that when I go—uh, to America, I mean..." Rin paused and took a deep breath, grabbing the neck of the bottle in his hand tightly for reassurance before continuing his mess of a sentence. "That when I go... you guys are going to... forget me."

Rin paused, rephrasing his words."I mean... I'm pretty sure I'm one of your guy's best friends—I may be wrong, but—but I'm scared that when I go, you guys—you guys are going to replace me. Over the years, you'll slowly learn to not need me anymore—you'll get a new best friend, and I mean... we'll still be friends, sure—but... not as close."

Rin's voice had shattered somewhere through the confession, eyes watering up. He convinced itself it was only from the burn of alcohol and nothing more, but his friends knew better. He gulped. "And—and it's going to really hurt, because... because I know for a fact that you guys will always be my best friends, even if I find new people—you're always first. Always. And—and so, while you're slowly learning to, uh... not need me, I'll still be clinging on—I'll get to watch as my best friends slowly don't hold that same special place for me in their hearts... I'll watch as the people I love and cherish, and who, for now, love and cherish me back—I'll watch as they replace me, as I become only a fond memory of their past. I'll watch us grow apart, except I never let go. I'll watch as the people I love with all my heart don't love me back like they used to... and that is my greatest fear."

Rin was barely able to continue by the end of it. Tears were streaming down his face, and he let out choked little hiccups. He vaguely cursed himself for showing such weakness, his pride damaged.

And his friends—his friends were speechless.

And that silence was exactly what he needed the least.

oops, sorry not sorry... and yes, exorcists have colleges now idgaf

word count: 1093